Final goodbye

2009-10-14T14:07:00.002+08:00

Thanks for treating me like a fool, much appreciated.
Gone for good. Find me if you can.
Bye.

Face reality.

2009-09-22T14:46:00.006+08:00

Face reality.

Having said over and over again, asking people not to be childish. I guess you're the one who should get a life and be more mature. So much of you acting to be the victim and all that nonsense. Intimidating is not the way. Here I am repenting my mistakes, well I thought they're my mistake. There you go drilling another hole into my mind, it makes all this happening so contradicting. Evading the impossibles, trying to vie with you for an answer. I guess you and me have the same motive, the same purpose, just trying to look for an answer. An answer to all possiblities yet ...an illusion after all.

...you plucked down a star
my whole galaxy came fallen apart.

My motivation is was you,
i thought.

To you, yes you my dear.
I really don't know how to face you, or perhaps I'm trying to find an answer. I'm just lost, somewhere out there, probably no one could find me. Answer, I don't know where to find them. Not even I could. Pitch darkness everywhere, I can see no one, nothing. Setbacks, the thing that makes me ponder so much, leaving you behind not knowing what to do.

"Each one of us has a hidden place
Somewhere deep within ourselves ;
A place where we go to get away,
To think things through,
To be alone, to be ourselves.

This unique place, where we confront our deepest feelings,
become a storehouse of all our hopes,
all our needs, all our dreams,
and even our unspoken fears.
It emcompasses the essence of who we are and what we want to be.

But now and then, whether by chance or design,
Someone discovers a way into that place we thought was ours alone.
And we allow that person to see, to feel and to share.
All the reason, all the uncertainty
And all the emotion we've stored up there.

That person adds a new perspective to our hidden realm,
Then quietly settles down in his own corner of our special place,
where a bit of himself will stay forever.

And we call that person ...a friend."
-unknown

ANCO is coming!:D

This I swear.

2009-09-09T18:29:00.002+08:00

Its not how I wanted it to be, its how you make things turn out to be. I did my best trying to salvage everything, to no avail. Nothing helps, nothing. We've been running round circles, and everytime we're back to the same problem. Believe me for believing you. Till the next time, goodbye.

SO TAKE MY HAND AND HOLD ON TIGHT.
AND WE'LL GET THERE.
THIS I SWEAR.

Not till.

2009-09-07T18:53:00.005+08:00

I'm a big big damn fool. On some days, your words, your damn actions make me think that I could fly. Others, you make me feel like a fool. The beauty of those photographs lingers around the memories of you and me. You made me feel I wasn't alone. Whereas, sometimes I knew you don't meant a single bit you said. ...you'd used to tell me you still do. The indifference of reality and dreams, are still capable of making me drift into long dreams.

Provide me with reasons one, two, three. You and I are not the same. The lovely sight that day came to my mind once every while, I'd still not given you up. Knowing you would just come by and pass, I still didn't bother much. Fate, let it decide everything. What's becoming of you and me?

So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear.

2009-08-31T19:43:00.003+08:00

"We were burning down the highway skyline

on the back of a hurricane"

2009-08-31T17:49:00.004+08:00

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centred; Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've
got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It is never between you and them
anyway. "

Mother Theresa

My body hasn't been nice to be lately.
and it's getting worst.
I don't want to sleep, yeah I don't want to.

I was thinking how much I wanted to be that typical girl.
Dreamer?
I don't know if being a dreamer is wrong.
Would I go far being one
and somehow I don't really think it's healthy being one.
but I like being one.
Rather than being stuck in reality, at least we dare to dream.
Cos I don't think everything we do has to have benefits.
Sometimes we do just because we want to, right or wrong-
doesn't matter right?

One thing/
I don't really like being a human, I don't agree on how human nature works either. Or rather, I detest it. Humans are so realistic. I rather be like aliens or something like that, they're cute, or rather not really. But, nevermind. Expectations, and more expectations. I don't like it when one is deemed reponsible, you're obliviously given more tasks. Its just not supposed to be like that, when its like that, then the more responsible ones are the ones that 'suffer'.

Bewildering.

2009-08-31T17:02:00.003+08:00

我
真的
很害怕

:(
~~If I didn't knew about today, I'd still lie about tomorrow.~~
Because I 've always wanted you to be happy.

2009-08-29T11:59:00.001+08:00

Bitten once, twice shy.
Trying to act it all infront of everyone, trying to show that you're not the least guilty.
Everything was a lie to begin with, and it hasn't ended yet.
Friends? Define it then.
Sometimes I'd wish to wash my hands off everything.
Its hopeless. Useless.
Me trying. You destroying. Its like I say 1 you say minus 1.

Everyone loves differently.
just because someone doesn't love you the way you wanted.
it doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

最爱还是你－唐禹哲(The one I love is still you - Danson Tang)

没开口的话，怎样才能懂？
How can unspoken words be understood?

我好想把画面倒带回头
I really want the instances to rewind

你留在我心中，熟悉的表情
You staying in my heart, the familiar expression

每个温暖纯白的记忆　穿越了距离
Every warmth, pure memory, has passed through distance

拥挤的人潮　每有人知道
No one knows a person lost in the crowd

我偷偷想你嘴角就会笑
I'll smile when secretly thinking of your lips

不要说对不起　也不要问原因
Don't say sorry and don't ask the reason

就让世界不停的向前
just let the world continue moving foward

别忘记从前
Don't forget once upon a time

最爱还是你　这是我的决定
The one I love most is still you, this is my decision

像宇宙对的星互相吸引
Like the universe and stars mutaully breathing

慢慢就会靠近
Slowly, they'll come closer

还是要爱你
I still want to love you

时间会证明　我爱你的勇气
time will prove it, my courage to love you

牵着你的手　才知道是永久
Only while holding your hands, do i realize its forever

　

2009-08-26T12:33:00.002+08:00

The inevitable.
Something's can't be avoidable. Maybe people might blame themselves.
Define fool. Probably people might check it out on the dictionary.
To me, undefined.
A lot of things are destined by fate, left with no choice.
I'm uber sorry.

HURT.

Resigning.

2009-08-24T15:32:00.003+08:00

Once in a while, people tend to have suspicion for their loved ones.
All those words that one says, normally we chose not to believe.
Once in a while, you'll see nature changing, so do humans.
And those tend to be the closest around you.

Suspicion. Backstabbing. Truth. Lies.
The strongest of the strongest will win. Do all these even exist in the first place,
or is it just part of a beautiful story.
A imaginary dream that I've once woke up to. A beautiful nightmare.
Nowadays, I realised I wake up in the middle of the night,
trying to bring across some things to you. More often, not sleeping.
And finding myself helplessly crying in the middle of the night.
The tears that dropped can't seem to find their way back to myself.
More often, afraid.
I don't know whether to speak up. To be or not to be.
Without you, I rather the answer is a not to be.

I used to ( note the "used to") think that I'm very fortunate.
What if one day, fate decides to take everything from you. Those ugly faces,
those difficult situations, more or less make you feel the world is bleak.
To some, this may be pessimistic, but to others, they may experience it.

I said once, no weeping cos' you held on to me.
But to me, its untrue, you didn't convince me to believe.
All you said were contradictions.

More than often, I chose to believe I'm over-sensitive like what most people say.
I try to believe, trust every single word that you day.
I tried to laugh, to prevent myself from crying. The weaklings die. Most probably.
Or rather, the strongest wins.
Evolving around the world of fakes and not true is killing.
Many a times, I wondered why? Why do feelings exist?
Why do people cry? Will it be better with no feelings? Maybe it does make a tat difference to me.
I wonder if fate is playing with me. One turn around, everything's gone.

Take my heart, take everything, I don't need those shit anymore.
You stripped everything off me. Its just left with skin wrapping around bones.
Nothing else matters now.
I've seen the picture now. Love doesn't exist, let alone the truth.
The world's realistic, you've gotta fight for all the things you want.
Its either winning with glory, or losing with blood and nothing else.
Live or die. You choose your own life.

I battle against myself.

2009-08-02T14:54:00.002+08:00

1. No more crying.
2. No more weeping.
3. No more suffering.
4. No more lonliness.

Ever since the day you held on tight to me. Belated birthday silly.

You told me not to cry. I told you I can't fly without you. You told me I still have my friends. You told me you still do. You told me everything that I have to go along with. But I'm telling you now, you're not going to _. You've gotta get up on your feets. Everyone's waiting for you, everyone. You got to run to the finishing line, and never give up. Cause' you told me I must never give up. A promise is a promise. 2nd August 0044am 2009.

If you fall, stumble down
I'll pick you up off the ground
If you lose, faith in you
I'll give you strength to pull through
Tell me you won't give up.
Cause' I'll be waiting if you fall, you know.
I'll be there for you.

2009-07-25T20:41:00.002+08:00

Joey Lee Jia Nian

He's my (烂弟).

He's an alien from Jupiter! Anyone interested?

I'm his 难兄! I'm a male alien that come from Neptune!:D

2009-07-19T12:36:00.003+08:00

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I guessed I just sucked at playing that game. Or rather, its now GAME OVER. Oh yes, stop your pretence. You know you can't have the best of both worlds. I've went to the wrong path, and I guessed its all over now. Its another beauriful lie, but I've left trail on your path, its all enough.

4143

2009-07-12T16:07:00.011+08:00

You're the best I ever had. It ended too soon, too quickly.

For the very last time, goodbye.

(4143), the final bye.

Was this another dream again? You said you would not but you still did, thanks alot for taking away that little trust you build in me. I'll remember those hearts I folded till my fingers went sore and numb. There's still a thousand at home, I'll throw it all away. Its useless anyway. You won't need it anymore. It was too fast, I thought there'll still be days, I counted the imaginary fourth. It was my wishful thinking. Or is it you never once mean what you said. I'm really feel very digusted by you. Those moments are all equivalent to nothing. Nothing. Nothing but a pack of lies that you used to trick me like how you buy sweets to little kids in order to shut them up. Take my heart, take my brains, take everything. I don't need all this shit anymore.

Stuck.

2009-07-11T23:24:00.006+08:00

Well yes, promises are meant to be broken. One party will be hurt in any way. Let that person be me. I don't want to live in any dreams anymore. I am awake, truly awaken to what's happening around me now. I bet she is crying right now. She really needs you. I don't want to see you struggle anymore. I know C is back and you're in pain now. I'm really sorry. Sorry for making so hurtful and making things so difficult for you. I've got my retribution already. What comes around goes around. Why does things always have to turn out this way. Making me have no one to turn to. I've got to stop what I'm doing. I do not belong to anyone now. I'm independent and I can also live without you. (Or am I just lying to myself)?

I am not going to make things difficult for you anymore. I know you change the question just now. Cos I didn't just get to know you. I admit, I will be sad for a long period of time, but trust me, I will be fine. I will really be fine. She's not fine, and she won't be. I gave you up that time, so I don't ask for anything more. Maybe that period of time when you were sweet to me, its already enough, more than what I can ask for. I demanded too much, and nothing good will come out of it. If things go screwing like that, I can really go mad. I don't wish for anything anymore. I bet I will concentrate on my studies in order to numb myself. I will, I must be strong. No one can help me overcome this except for myself. I'll learn to take things easy, I know it'll not be easy for all of us. But I'll be the one to take that first move.

I need time, thats all I need. I knew that when I stepped in to this, nothing good will happen. Yes, and time had proven to me that I'm correct. I succumb to all my mistakes. The usual line that you used to say I'll always be there if you need me and you always call me retarded will make me remember, all your funny actions and your laughter will stay in my heart, always. Your morning messages and midnight calls will be badly missed. It was my mistake from the start and I really admit and I've got nothing to say. Just want to tell you, I'm sorry. And I'm sure of it that it'll never different after tonight. I still trust you, even though you may hurt me. I won't mind either. I won't.

(4143), I really do.

The truth.

2009-07-11T16:01:00.005+08:00

This week Appreciated the fact that I caught up with WanQin during those bus rides and the little laughter we had during lesson times and basically talked like how we used to.

Oh yes, I think I had promised not to post and supposed to be studying right now. Okay I am studying right now. Revising coordinate geometry like what I've promised myself to. I've gotta make the time to at least post on that blog. Oh gosh. I still have not complete the LDC geography homework. And I don't seem to be at least obsessed with computer anymore. My heart's beating a little faster then normal, I have a lot to say. But I don't know where to begin since my life's is already in a mess. Oh yea, a mess ALRIGHT? A tad too messy but a kinda like it. I think that everyone should have patience, and wouldn't patience make a better world? I've become so unmotivated to work and it's really bad, because my friend, named Conscience, nags at me all the time. I feel uneasy and guilty and not worthy of computer times but I succumb to temptations all the time. Now even I've laid my english work infront of me, but I'm reaching across to type. Wow, I am amazing.

Shitass. I have no idea what is wrong with me. What do we feel, or do we even feel anymore. I feel so lost all of a sudden; where is this going towards, how long its going to last, when is it we'll finally return to normal? (or never?) And how did all this happened? Insecurities, differences, cannot-be-compared, or maybe one day we wake up and realised we're not that interested anymore. And we're too busy with our own lives, and we're not caring enough for the other? You know what? Need a brain, need a heart? Take mine. Take everything I have.

Ily and maybe I'm just afraid (of losing you)

-

-

-

-

Or maybe we just don't care anymore.

Once upon.

2009-07-09T16:24:00.006+08:00

"Bang! You're dead."

-Happy belated birthday to Chindin and Chinyi

I'm getting all so vexed, all cos of you.

Tell me what's on the inside of you. I know there's nowhere you can hide. I know the feeling of being alone. Trust me and don't keep that on the inside. Soon you'll be locked out on your own. All the somethings that you conceal. Free me.Constant reminder everyday that I'm not what I am now, not anymore. I need someone to listen to me. Things got really sweet when you gave me a stalk of sunflower, it brightens my day. On a happier note, you're so close indeed. Some mistakes I chose to hide, you realise it somehow. You knew how I was feeling, you always said, but you don't, at all. Nothing can ease the how I'm feeling now.

Alright. I'm really very confused now. I didn't know why I talked to you in class just now. Today was horrible totally. I hate the word, M. Malihah said she wanted to watch movie together one day, I'm gna push away just to watch the movie, sounds pathetic but I'm really gna do it. I'm gna be M-I-A ing from blogger real soon. Got to study, study and study. Hip hop for PE this year, totally wrong. 2.4km for those who didn't make it the last time round. I didn't played badminton, went with Chindin to support the people running. Jarrett didn't make it again, he admitted he's a gay.

Tag me people.

Bye.

Insane.

2009-07-07T20:35:00.004+08:00

You may think I'm blind, my heart isn't.

You lie, you perjurer.

It may feels that I'm just contented to have you. Someone that care for.

Realising all by myself that all this was nothing but a dream. It isn't easy. Pretending, walking out of this confusion. I'm in a total shock channel now. A blind man can feel by the heart too. I wonder if you can see it now, I don't want you too. Whats this all about? Me, trying to text the one that I care for in exchange for the love to another. Damn you. It meant alot to me before, now its null. I hate the feeling of being cheated, you lied in front of me, I trust you yet you did this to me. I really don't know what to say to you. One time is more than enough, I'm already numb. You're the one that I trusted the most, and you hurt me the most too.

AYG has already ended, appreciation on friday at indoor stadium. I've returned to school as per mormal. Everything changes.

I miss the athletes):

Coordinate geometry is getting on my nerves. I can't seem to understand. 'O' level mother tongue oral's NEXT TUESDAY. I'm getting real nervvvvouuuussss. Chemistry experiment today and the Geog teacher's change too. Mr Tan is nice:D I miss Mdm Tan Lin's "Cannot uhhh." And Mr Gan's counselling session. I want Mr Peh's lesson too.

4143

2009-07-04T20:56:00.007+08:00

That familiar place.

Today, I want it to last forever.

---

Experience at AYG was pretty great. I love being the student LO of the Nepal team. Friendly, nice people, even the coaches and team manager were great. Or should I say superb. I'm missing the athletics boys and girls. And I'm gna miss the FIBA 33 basketball team. I need to go back to school fast, I needa catch up with school work. Chemistry, Amaths. All need to rush. End of with a very nice video by By2.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGnaEv6fPiw

One and only.

2009-07-04T20:37:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday Retarded Sisi:D

I remember the times we went home together, those times you weren't at the best of your mood. I remembered the times you share with me about what you're not happy with. I remembered the times I complained to you about many stuff. I remember the times you kept my secret. I remembered how close we were. I remembered how great you're. God bless you.

Deal with it.

2009-06-28T20:24:00.003+08:00

Eveytime I try to fly, I fall without my wings.
The thoughts of you leaving me went rushing and choking up. Making me feel so small, making it so difficult to breathe. You would have nothing to lose. You built it up, you tore it down, so contradicting. Perhaps I should pull myself back to reality. Knowing that all this is impossible, I was still thinking of the possible.

The feeling began somewhere, somehow, with that one smile of yours. Expanding into the edges of nowhere, you destroy it. You left, with nothing to lose, with another part of your heart to give. I was left stranded in nowhere, alone. You took away everything, not leaving even the memories for me. The whole Universe you built, you pull it down, I would be left mulling over the loss of everything. Not you alone, but me. Why would something vanish in one second, when I do not even know. Another thought, you would be gone. Long gone, before I would even realise when was it. You were the one, the one.

The irony

2009-06-28T16:38:00.002+08:00

The greatest irony of love:

Loving the right person at the wrong time;
having the wrong person when the time is right,
And finding out you love someone right after that person
walks out of your life.
And sometimes,
You think you're already over a person
But when you see them smile at you,
you'll suddenly realise that you're just pretending to be over them.
Just to ease the pain of knowing they'll never
be ours again.
For some,
they think letting go is one way of
expressing how much you love that person.
Some are afraid to see the one they love
being held by someone else.
Most relationship tend to fall not because of the absence of love
-love is always PRESENT.
Its just that one was being loved too much and
the other was being loved too little.
As we all know,
the heart is in the center of the body
but it beats on the left.
Maybe thats the reason why the heart is not always right.
Most often, we fall in love with the person
we think we love
but to only discover that for them, we're just for past times.
While the one who truly loves us remain either a stranger or a friend.
So here's a piece of advice: Let go when you're hurting too much.
Give up when love isn't enough, & move on when things arn't like before.
For sure, there're someone out there who love you even more.

Dead and gone.

2009-06-27T21:20:00.004+08:00

It was hell of a day for me.

The pain was a different kind of pain. I'm going home, to a place I belong. I tried to smile and pretend nothing happen. I cried, I've fallen badly this time, I thought no on one knew, but you found out.

I told you not to, but you didn't listen to me. Everything's gone so wrong now.

Its another one being hurt. I would not have mind if the person was me, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else can I say. I don't mean it, I'm selfish.

I pretend not to hear anything, see anything. I pretend to be blind. I've to face it all, facing you the most difficult one of all. Everyday, still having to pretend I'm alright telling you that I'm okay and stuff, I tired, I'm struggling, I can't even defeat the monster in my mind, let alone you two. I need time, time will change every single thing. The pain in my head is blocking my vision, the growling of my stomach is killing me. Dear you, please show me that way. I just want to lead a normal life, all this pain is killing me.

Lousy, fret not. You will go through this okay? I'll see how you stand up again, I want you back again. You're strong I know. Stay strong. Must smile like this:

This is the smile I want to see.

I love you always lousy. XOXO for you, my lousy dar'lng(:

2009-06-23T17:56:00.002+08:00

I tried to believe every single word that you said. I tried to refrain myself from messaging you, but I can't. I tried to stop all the midnight calls, but the more I tried, the more I want to hear your voice. I tried to tell myself that you're not lying to me. But I know I can't. Everytime you say those three words to me, I should be happy. But somehow, something's holding me back, everytime I see you and her. Everytime, everytime. I missed how you're being so retarded, idiot. Two years back, I still remember, I let you go just like that. I was lying to myself from then on, hurting everyone that came by. I knew that was wrong, everytime I saw you on the bus or on the streets, I would just pretend I didn't. When I didn't want to pretend, I can't anymore. Too late, everything is too late. Seeing you like that now, not knowing what to do, its really hurting every single part of me.

I tell myself I will smile, I can't do it.

You spoiled my day. Get a life please, thats all I can tell you.

chance

2009-06-22T16:03:00.006+08:00

There is this silly girl wishing her lousy girl,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!(:

This silly girl wants to tell another idiot that, she loves you.
Like magic, wants you to love her as well.

SJAB rocks!:D BBQ was great. Celebrated lousy's birthday in advance, hope she like it. The "e" was damn cute. And thanks cy sir for the ride back home accompanied by several spooky stories, gives me creeps. I don't dare to stand in the centre of the lift now. Okay, I must be optimistic, later lousy kill me. Ha(: Counting down one last week before school reopens, hopefully I can finish my homework by then. Spent my holidays (in school) rotting. Went to see the singapore-malaysia firstaid and footdrill competition at Xinmin Sec. Hoho, the teams were competitive of course. And the makeup for the casualties were uber real. I saw Peiming there!:D We were the only souls wearing SJAB tee and shorts. Special thanks to lousy for being late huh, you're great! Then went for the band investiture. Congrats to Amanda Ang, TianFu and Egan for getting the higher posts in band!:D You guys were great!

Went to meet idiot just now, I cried ( for like no reason ) suddenly. Then send that idiot down to tamp. Thanks for the cheese burger, rmb what I told you, don't leave me alone anymore, I can't take it any longer. Give the green Mr Men to idiot, ha. Fetching the juniors back from BHN later from HQ then going down to eat dinner with lousy. Didn't wna go watch movie with the rest ( apparently because I don't want to see him ). Sorry if I sounded like so offensive but his attitude irks me. Boo.

Yay! Saturday's 6R10 '06 outing. I love those lovelies.
The goody goody class:D

I love you ( )

You, me and the big universe.

2009-06-14T19:52:00.005+08:00

Tired.

Striving hard to stay awake, according to custom and according to custom thinking of you.

I'm so afraid to be at ease and sleep that in my dreams my heartbeat won't listen and will just stop.

Listening, to my breath breaking like waves, the more beautiful it is, the more uneasy I become.

What can I still cherish?

If even my own pulse is too difficult to control?

If I become a memory and if I withdraw from this life, you remained startled and weeping.

My ice cold body, unable to embrace you.

And to think that I let you, who I deeply love travel lonesomely through the sea of people.

I will hate myself for being so heartless.

If i become a memory and in the end wasn't that lucky, no chance to get white hair or lead you hobbling or watch the glow of sunset.

One day after a long time, you'll recover from your grief, if someone can heal you, let her be with you.

I won't blame you.

Happiness, when will it end?

Which moment is the last moment? I want to hold you tightly to know that in my life you are the one I'm most unwilling to part with.

If I become a memory, I'm most afraid of being too disappointing, stubbornly hanging in the air to occupy your heart, every inch of it.

Having you, the one who still loves me painfully bear the loss.

This isn't fair, please do your best to forget me.

( )

2009-06-12T21:15:00.005+08:00

Y

I did my best to compromise everything you did. I tried to understand how you felt, I tried to put myself in your shoes. Instantly, I tried to forget what you did. But I knew I couldn't. I was still lying to myself, I counted the imaginary 3rd, I knew its impossible.

Whats not reality? My phone isn't being practical with me, showing me those messages that are illusionary and fake. I used the word fake. My mind constantly preoccupying me with the same old stuff over and over again. It takes courage and time to stand up on my feet again, and having to constantly reminding myself that I must be happy for the people around me. D and lg, the two lovelies and the never-fail-to-make-me-laugh M. I must smile infront of them. I must, and I will. This is my turning point, yes the one in front of me.

People move on, catching with the present era, everything changes. Hi and goodbye, the two commonly used words. I've gotta keep reminding myself to be appreciative of the things that happen. More often than not, quarrels and conflicts between friends are bound to bring the individuals closer right? Be it whether it's upsetting or disappointing, for each of the things that happen, there're bound to be surprises.

I miss ( ), really badly.
I'm trying to find out if ( ) is okay.
And don't try to ask me who's ( ).
Cos' I won't bother to answer you.

Left stranded

2009-06-11T19:12:00.006+08:00

Define the difference between lover and friend.

I pray that you'll be alright.
I hope that you'll be fine.
I hope.
I yearn.

All came crumbling

2009-06-10T18:45:00.007+08:00

Changing world.
Evolutionary people.

Lg, lg, dearest, dearest, malihahahaha! I'm gna bug you guys again. I love you guys so so much. Thank you for today, I've found myself back again. We held hands like little kids under the blocks and while walking across the roads. Not paying money after eating prata. Oh I love eggcheese so much!:D Honest people are gna extinct in the world. But luckily we four are the ones left on earth. Ate pizza yesterday after the practice with the two. We ate alot, 3 pan pizzas, star munchies, criss-cross fries, garlic bread!(:

Overseas education . Another familiar word. I've packed my room, dug out everything and put everything nicely. I saw my pathetic three trophies. Reminds me of NA5 and my guides day. I still love girl guides so much much. I love my guiding days. This little guiding light of mine, I'm gna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine all the time. And how we the brownies salute in that brown uniform of ours. All this memories, PIXIE! I still got my badges on my uniform. I still remember I went for the chief com badge exam or something like that, and there's a need to interview, like so damn nervous and scared. Stomachaches.

Like so random huh, and can't believe a person like me willing to pack my room. So like, I've suddenly have a craving for mango pudding, milk tea with lychee jelly! Those fats are accumulating. Damn.

2009-06-05T17:38:00.005+08:00

We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence and it's only end.
-Benjamin Israeli

I gazed up the sky that night and all I see was darkness.
Pessimistic. The only word to describe how I feel and how you think I feel now.

I would exchange one wish for all of my wishes. Everyday, trying to make an effort to text those people I'm concerned of. Its only the thought that counts, people would always say that. Give me time, I'll be alright. The truth will reveals, and everything will come to light.

(: XOXO, I love thee.

2009-06-03T18:27:00.011+08:00

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy."

I remember. I remembered all of those. I remembered you love. I remembered how you always give in. I remembered myself throwing tamtrums and you always enduring it. I remembered how you cried. I remembered how I cried too. I remembered you always saying sorry. I remembered how I didn't cared. I remembered how I took all those for granted. I rememberede how I lied to you sometimes. I remembered how I was late all those time. I remembered how you consoled me. I remembered the elmo and carebear. I remembered how I folded the hearts. I remembered how my hand hurts. I remembered how I've regretted. I remembered how I said how happy I was. I remembered how I lied. By the time I realises that I've remembered everything. Its all too late.
I'm senstive to the letter J now. I am really, although I didn't seem to have said anything to you. And I guessed you wouldn't have sensed it if I didn't tell you anything. I realised I've gotta change. To make you think that all this changes doesn't mean anything to me. But I wna tell you now, it does and alot. So many things are happening at the same time, all my walls are crushing right through me. I need a breather. I need someone to listen to me. How I wished you could. This few days waking up to the sight that I don't want to see. I don't want to face. I'm living in pretend. I yearn. I yearn for your console now. Do you know that? Do you even care? I tried to swallowed all of it down. Its piercing deep down. Its wet inside.

Lunch at Jack's place at Compass Point. Ribeye Steak. Mango Juice. Cold water. Tea. Homed. Rushed cadets particulars out and tried to finish up the BBQ proposal but to no avail. Homework, not even one done. I've wasted the days of my hols just like that. I want prawning date with lg. Beach date with G. And all this bits and pieces not done. Missing Lee dearest. Wants to see her back after OBS. AYG training tomorrow and the day after is gna be a tedious one. Cougar'08 outing. Pleaseee please please. Jeslyn Chew, I want it plan soon!(:

XOXO

Lies and truths

2009-06-02T12:51:00.002+08:00

"If you're happy, I'll be happy."

Is it a lie to hide another truth or is it a truth hiding another lie.
I can't see you in the dark now.

2009-05-31T14:53:00.002+08:00

Hey look people, its spongebob!

Shy, but he still says HI!

Make Believe

2009-05-30T21:34:00.006+08:00

1. Today was a bad day.
Met up with (insert name here), sat there for about 2 hours, we weren't talking for about an
hour. I really do appreciate the times before it happened. Thanks:D *Smiley face for you!
Thanks for spraying me with the "holy" water. Make believe, dream and fly.

2. I did not eat today till dinner.
Was hungry but did not get to eat till dinner. Reasons: NO APPETITE. But was HUNGRY.

3. I hate COWARDS.
You know I'm mentioning about you. Text me, but didn't let me know who you are. We ain't
in the 60's. One thing to say: True love don't exist. Why am I getting so drama and agitated over little things
now?

4. BFA Training today was hilarious.
Our entertainment, our great firstaid lecturer, my bestpartner. You're a person I look up to.
Both you and my dearest OIC!:D You two were really great!(: I salute you guys:D

Hell no.

:|

2009-05-29T18:43:00.002+08:00

It wasn't you afterall.

Its nothing but lies.

Its another year older.

2009-05-25T21:01:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday Mr Peh & Mdm Tan-Lin!

No XOXO today.

2009-05-25T19:11:00.008+08:00

And every lie I chose to hide, I'm running away from reality each day.

Its Monday! The first day of the school week. And supposedly, I must be HAPPY. Since I promised myself to stand up again. I've been trying to relax myself last weekend. I went changi beach with D on the saturday and sunday went for a swim. But I've failed to keep my promise. You might think I'm trying to hide. Yes, I'm trying to hide. Any problem with that?

I cry.
I laugh.
And I feel stressed up too.
Why can't the rest understand? Or am I the one who don't understand a single thing? I am a human, like any other ordinary people. I'm not a robot, not an alien. At least I've tried. I didn't want things to turn out this way either. Maybe its me, you might think. I'm pessimistic. Yes, you're right. Maybe I wasn't fit to be one, but so. I tried my best but in the end this is what I get, zero.

WHY?
(Why must things turn out this way.)

I failed, I really did. BADLY. I fall, and I'm still on my way to recovery yet it happened again.
Again and again. History repeating itself, hate it. Constantly trying to remind myself to think positive, I'm trying, VERY HARD. But in the end? I'm trying not to give you guys anymore pressure, I know. Wanqin and Jiaxin, one head of sj and the other prefect. You guys are really busy this and that, I don't ask for more. Just you guys to listen to what I have to say. We're drifting apart, as it might not seems so. I think I've got to go and reflect, this time real hard.

I'm trying to salvage a tradegy from happening.
Everyday hectic as it might seems, I tried to message those that I cared, I really do. Maybe to let them know I really cared. Everyone's busy with their life, maybe my message would be another thing that make them so busy. Or maybe it might cheer them up? I don't really know it myself sometimes. Just thought about doing my part well would be great enough. Never really think too much too.

No XOXO for you Nicole Sim!

friendship as the ransom.

2009-05-21T17:44:00.002+08:00

Well, did badly for A Maths and C.Hums.
I flunked them, ohgosh.

I cried even harder after reading lg's blog.
I'm touched.
Ha, that stupid lousy girl is so retarded.

2009-05-18T16:02:00.009+08:00

I'm not. I swear.
Outerspace, fourth dimensions, I wished I had aliens as friends.
I knew I had one, bestfriend. He looks like this.

Physics.Chem. AMaths. EMaths. Geography. Social Studies. MotherTongue.
They're more scarier than horrer movies I think.

My list.

bold : Need to get it done.
italics : I want it!
underlined : fulfilled:D

1) EXAMS
2) win something!NA5'09
3) Get a gift asap.
4) Novels, novels and more novels.
5) Beach date with G.
6) Outing wtih 11mains.
7) Long chat with LG!
8) Do up proposal for upcoming event.
9) Get reply from Nicholas, YIMEI.
10) Notes.

-

2009-05-09T18:10:00.004+08:00

As the memories peeled off, I learnt how to stand up on my own.

LOVE.
FAITH.
HOPE.

I need some faith.

2009-05-01T20:46:00.001+08:00

Its the fourth dimension we're living in.

I've tried, I know I can't. I always thought I was stronger.
I knew I'm not. I'm not what you thought.
Am exhuasted. Am tired.

Now I'm exhuasted.
I guessed thats just the price I've got to pay.

Satisfication.

2009-04-30T16:04:00.005+08:00

Crappy!
I guessed we weren't meant to be afterall. Fallen, way down.
I will get up on my feet again soon.
Last few days were hooooorrible. I guessed I don't have to say why.
Didn't eat breakfast. Ate a little for lunch and totally skipped dinner.
I felt like VOMITTING.

Today after school was POWER!
Went back to school as per normal by 112. With Amira and WanQin.
Was crapping with wanqin as usual. The bus BRAKE!
Then people scream and stuff like that. Someone said someone was bleeding.
Went up to see whats happening.

We taught what St.John taught us.
Reassured casualty and applied direct pressure onto forehead.
CALLED AMBULANCE.
The funny thing is, RUISHEN helped us.
(Ha!)
Paremedics arrived. He's an ex-yuying.
Okay, so coincidental.

SATISFICATION.
I did not felt nervous like how I felt during the competition.
Stay calm. Apply what have been taught to me.

Don't ask me what you asked yesterday.
The answer will be NO.
I'm numb now.

Bang! Down you go the memory lane.

2009-04-26T13:24:00.008+08:00

Our dearest OIC for 08.

She sacrifice a lot for us, she always had our well-being in her mind.

She did all this willingly just to bring up SJ.

She is a great OIC.

Never did I see her cry in front of us.

Even if she did, she would not say.

She's a great leader, a great senior, a great friend, a great OIC!

AMIRA IC!

Our dearest squad IC, the one that cared for my batch.

She always laugh no matter what.

She teach us proper drills and always cared for us.

I'm really thankful for having such a nice IC!

W(L)

The back-scene senior.

Shumaiya cared for us also, but in a different way.

It'll never be known.

SALEHA OC!

The senior that taught us first aid.

Because of her we did so well in our first aid

THANKS TO HER.

NELIA.

The saviour for NA5, even before the comp, she prayed for the weather.

She always bring laughter to the corp.

She's cute.
HONDA!:)

And my dearest GI, HAZYRAH!

Together with weiqi and jarrett, we formed the smallest group

EVER!:D

SJ Annual Camp 08(:
Brother and mother:D
YIPIINNNGGGG!

NC8'08!

NICOLE, REB, YIPING, SHUMAIYA, JIAXIN!

I'll remembr the joy and sorrow we shared together.

Those tough trainings we managed to go through together.

Everyone played an important role.

We cried that day when we knew we were few marks away from 2nd runner-up.

Its the experience that counts.

The teamwork.

(:!

Yiping, the admin head of 08.

I'm gna take over her post soon, hopefully I can manage

AND I WON'T DISGRACE HER.

Hee, she's the typical kiasu one I should say.

When I always ask her question.

She'll say WAIIIITTTT.

Then she'll say what she have to say first.

I'll remember those days.

The BBQ gathering'07

The first gathering with SJAB.

Year1s and 2s'07

Instead of training, we're taking photos.

HA.

She was the one that taught me drills(:
She's the one that always brought laughter to SJ.

But having been through the camp this year,

she also have her serious mode.

She hugged me that day.

Seniors always care for their juniors no matter what.
LIYIN OC!

CNY sj gathering'09

NA5'09:D

Well done people.
252 will be the 3 digits that I will always remember.

I remember vividly that was the day I cried.

Reminds me of last year how sucky was I as a commander.

But my dearest senior, REB, told me I wasn't.

She was the one that gave me confidence, thanks alot reb, NO.2 '08!

CCA fair 09.
Hazyrah!

The senior that I could always pour my problems to.

The last day of CCA is the day I felt that I'm no longer a cadet anymore.

Me and my batch are going to take over.

Those hugs, remind me of the past.

Both of us promised that we won't cry and we cried in the end didn't we?

From a person that I did not know, she became my GI for 08.

And we became close. She took care of us.

Must come back often alright?(:

08. :D
:D
I (L) SJAB!:D

To every other senior, WEIZHEN, BRONSON.

I've not forgotten you guys, all of the year 4s and 5s were really great.

TOGETHER, ONE BIG SJAB FAMILY(L)

You guys will be badly missed.

(L)

2009-04-25T16:15:00.002+08:00

I'M GNA MISS THE YEAR 4S and 5S SO MUCH!♥

Now its our turn to take over, hope we can do it well. :D
Bless us.

Lousy.

2009-04-10T12:22:00.006+08:00

Praying for good weather ._.

(Before the comp)

The trophy, the glory. NA5 09.

Us and Sy Ma'am!:D

Our Mentor:D

The scary day 5th April is finally over.
NA5 brought glory to the school, 2nd runner up.
If it wasn't for nelia, maybe things would be different
THANKS A MILLION NELIA CHAN!
(the greatest no.4)

That day was pretty scary.
Met bestfriend and we went school together. Kept wanting to back out.
Hazyrah told me I shouldn't. I survive till the end.

Reported at HQ, saw some sarcastic people and sight.

Oo Hate it.

Footdrill was first, the ground was wet.

Screwed the first command and last part.

I know we didn't do well. Lost hope.

HOMENURSING.

Supposed to do 6 trolleys plus advice in 20minutes according to the examiner.

No time, did 5 only.

Nelia lost hope, told her we'll get 130 and above, she don't believe.

After that last station was first aid.

Diagnosis and treatment was correct.

Time delayed for first part cos' we forgotten to put on glove.

Jellybeans and Mr.Bean pancake and bread,

the food the kept us surviving throughout the comp.

Prize presentation was the moment that everyone was waiting for.

Falling in in our our teams, I can feel the intense pressure.

I glanced and took a look at liwhey's ma'am face.

The face was almost the same as last year. I thought we would lose.

The moment arrived, they announced the 2nd runner up for NA.

NA...........5!

I was totally stunned, goodness.

My legs was frozen and my lips were sort of sealed, until jiaxin said

IT'S US! IT'S US!

I gave command and we went up to the stage.

Crap. It was scary.

I heard my BNCO group instructor saying 'good job'.

Went back to the bus, NC was crying, them.

I was crying when I saw them like that. The scene was totally the same as last year.

It reminded me of how lousy was I being a commander.

Reached school and I suddenly cried out.

Pizza hutting with Siangyee ma'am and my team yesterday.

NA 5 ALL THE WAY!:D

Screwwwwweddd.

2009-03-27T13:32:00.003+08:00

Preparing for later's speech day.
Big affair.
Oh ho, I don't know why but I know this isn't me.
I don't know what's happening but I'm trying not to be like that.
I feel kind of irritated when I see him behaving like that.
Maybe if it was for a moment of recklessness, maybe he won't be like that now.

She said she lost her passion.
I think maybe its because of all the stress.
She may look strong but she's weak inside.
Is this somehow true? She choose not to tell us all the things, why?
I don't know whats happening to us.
The four pillars don't seem strong anymore.
What happened?

Later after parade will be the announcing of the posts for taking over.
Cy sir will be down to check our attire. Goodnessss, I must go polish my boots.
I'm gna pin of all the fringe and gel up all the hair for later.
Bye;

I've waited all my life
to cross this line
To the only thing that's true

faith.

2009-03-19T22:58:00.010+08:00

STRAWBERRY COMMANDER!

ADORABLE No. 2!

PORK FLOSS TIMER!

SWEETIE No. 4!

Presenting to you NC team!
:D

It started off with the NC which consists of me, dearest, strawberry, the adorable one and pork floss. But we were splitted and into two groups. NA and NC. Ha! Comp will be right up real soon. I have confidence in them!:D

All the best!
And jiayou NA(: We can do it!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!:D♥

2009-03-18T23:08:00.001+08:00

Me, lg, dearest.

SPASTICS!

I love her so.

Yay!:D

Pardon us.

2009-03-18T22:17:00.002+08:00

Pardon us for our wrong doings, stay please.
If we ever did something wrong, we apologised, why must everyone leave at the same time?
I'm really tired, tied down by many things lately.
I'm tired of this and that, after the camp.
I've seen many seniors blog, I was really sad reading some's blog.
But still, this is what they think.

Everything's screwed up from the start.
I know I didn't do my job well.

SJAB CAMP 2009!

2009-03-17T13:52:00.010+08:00

Art piece by an artist while going heritage trail.

SHINKOO!:D
Yu Zhi!
Look at our pretty face!(:
Waiting..

Discussing about group performance.

Yu Zhi!

Xue Ling!

First day.
DI for the day plus the post I have in camp adds up to 3 post.
Due to PTC we only had 3 cadets left in the camp, we taught them basic footdrills.
Later the sec 2s joined us back. Trang fainted and bit on her lips.
Shouted at them many times, they did not reply the seniors.
Games was trick or treat , strength in numbers.
After games was outdoor cooking, me and CC didn't get to join the fun.
And thanks Nelia for getting the food for both of us to eat.
After that was blind man's trail.
Joined them for a while.
Supper was biscuits and MILO!:D But still just drank a little.
Personal admin and then lights off.
Mass meeting after that. Bathe and slept at 3 plus nearing 4.

Second day.

Opening parade at 6plus.
Heritage Trail! ALPHA!

Was lost at first but in the end we became the first.

And hazyrah kept farting, LOL.

Later at the bus, she cried. And I didn't know what to do. She lay down on my shoulder.

Then both of us slept. Lunch was chicken rice.

CAMPFIRE!

Didn't went off well, was stuck and lost being the emcee.

Gosh, luckily lg GI helped us out.

Feedback session with officer-in-charge.

After that mass meeting and something crop up.

Firedrill at 3plus. The cadets cleaned the toilet and canteen.

And slept at 5 plus.

3rd day.

Opening parade at 6plus nearing 7.

Games.

The milo game. I tasted one of the milo.

Guess what? Salty milo ( NEW INVENTION)

Then area cleaning and prize presentation.

Best nursing, THAM!:D

Best ambulance, NICHOLAS, that cute guy!:D

Best group, DAISUKI!:D

If you miss the train Im' on, you will know that I am gone You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles
A hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles,
You can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles
Lord Im one, lord Im two, lord Im three, lord Im four,
Lord I'm 500 miles from my home.
500 miles, 500 miles, 500 miles, 500 miles
Lord Im five hundred miles from my home.
Not a shirt on my back, not a penny to my name
Lord I cant go a-home this a-way
This a-away, this a-way, this a-way, this a-way,
Lord I cant go a-home this a-way.
If you miss the train I'm on you will know that I am gone

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but i don't know why

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
Cause its to much, yea its alot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool, out of love
Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tride, but i don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spot light
The people follow the signs
And sicronise in time

It's just, no body knows
They got to take it to the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but i don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Just engoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tride, but i don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show
I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show
I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

Great job CAMP COMMITTE!

And thanks to the advisors and officers (:

I love you.

2009-03-08T15:59:00.007+08:00

I'm going to drop dead soon.
One thing after another, its piling up and I've yet to settle.
Dearest, don't say that you're a sucky leader, bcos everyone is trying
and by saying this you're just giving up.

Talked to my BNCO GI just now. She's just the right person for me to talk to.
I feel so relieved after I talk to her.
Although she doesn't give me much comment but I feel so good talking to her.
(: Camp's drawing nearer each day.
I'm freaking out, even more afraid then going for the NCO camp.
Weird isn't it?

1 week already.
He sent those messages to me, I don't know what to reply.
I'll try my best to make time for you. But I'm really busy.
Give me time. Have a lil' patience.
And don't wait for me when its late. I don't want you to go home late.
Its not that I don't want you to wait for me. But. Just don't.

I'm trying my best to control my temper. I'm trying my best to keep cool.
But I don't know why I can't. I have the tendency to fall asleep in class this few days.
Tea make me awake but I find it difficult to fall back asleep and I'm late for school lately.
This sucks.

Common Test is pretty alright, but I'm still not happy yet.
Will try harder next time. All this things distracting me. Well, this ain't excuses.
Its been long since I last posted on blog.
I've been seriously busy that even when I on the computer I don't post.
Considering whether to delete it or not.

I get irritated easily nowadays. So pardon me.
NA training's pretty okay. Trained the NC team yesterday; pretty alright.
Wedia came down. Haa, she's really irritating.
She told the juniors to carry me up and throw me into the rubbish bin.
They carry me up, like omg. Am I flying? Ha.
Chinese oral was alright, got tested by Mdm De.
Was afraid initially but my courage was build up when she actually say that my reading was GOOD! LOL. I'm like so bhb:x

MOSQUITO BITES are really terrible.
I got them and I'm like scratching it away everyday.

Jiaxin, Malihah and Ericsson passed KOTO.

Oh yeah, congrats. (:

I've kept thinking about this question lately. Have I made the right decision?

Did I act on impulse. After hearing what hazyrah say, I've really been thinking hard.

Afraid that he'll become that kind of person. I hope not.

Well, I should have faith on him and he wouldn't be like that.

Well, will update sometime again in april or after the camp(:

Bye people.

Wlove.

2009-02-26T20:15:00.002+08:00

JESLYN! ♥

My bestest friend in BNCO. I love her alright. Haa, she's always the course IC or assistant course IC for the camp. At night, we don't sleep. I mean I, I always went toilet cos' stomach pain. The food is like mountain. She always accompany me go toilet then at night she'll have night duty. I'll meet up with my darling someday!(:

Busy.

2009-02-15T17:33:00.002+08:00

Well, I'm busy with simply everything.
Rushing. And no time to post. My blog's dead anyway.

Failed two test, chemistry and emaths. Disappointed.
Camp meetings, trainings, ccas, remedials, tuitions.
Thats how I live my life everyday, not missing one of them. I don't even get breaks on weekends. I want all this to end fast.
Just all this things alone can kill me.

CCA; welcome the year 1s(:
Newly formed NC team which consists of WeiQi, Xueling, Joey and Hidayu.
Newly formed NA team which consists of the 4 of us.

I'M GOING TO PASS THE NEXT COMING TEST:D

Busy schedule.

2009-02-01T13:50:00.002+08:00

There's only one thing to say. I think I can't blog like once every week already.
Its going to get lesser and lesser. The new after school programme is going to take affect very soon.

Monday: After school programme till 3.30pm. Tuition 7pm to 9pm
Tuesday: Buddy programme for xinghua for p6 students Training till' 6pm
Wednesday:After school programme till 3.30pm. Tuition 7pm to 9pm
Thursday: After school programme till 3.30pm. Self study of firstaid and homenursing theory till 5.30pm
Friday: Training CCA till 6pm.
Saturday: HQ for homenursing.

You see, I got a really packed schedule.
ITS TORTURING.

Ending here, off to do my homework.

2009-02-01T13:16:00.003+08:00

Yimei.Y

Amira.Y

Today's post is especially for this two people.

Yea, both my big sisters. It's pricking my conscience that I didn't put their big name on my blog and I'm putting it now. They've been my listening ear. Hear me complain about things. Haa, and they're really great. The two greatest big sisters that I could ever wish for apparently.

I'll be happy.

2009-01-24T20:32:00.003+08:00

Feelings in cages.

What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?
Fallen angel, tell me why?

Although I should be in the mood of CNY but this year its different. There isn't this feeling. Everything isn't right. I don't feel the festive mood blowing. My feelings are packed in cages all locked up. I want to tell someone, yet I can't breathe a word. This feeling is horrible. I don't have the mood to do anything now.

I really hated myself for behaving and feeling like that. I must be back to the old me. I must be able to take stress. After this, everyone of us will be more strong we'll be as one and go through everything together as one big family.

Went out with lg just now. Accompanied her to buy this and that.
Bugis is really jammed. Human traffic. You're advised not to go there if you're planning to. Lol. Bought a new bag for CNY. Wash brown colour sling bag:D I haven't completed my A maths worksheet yet. Got to hurry and finish it before tmr's renioun dinner. Dang.

Bye. And I'll be happy:D

I really love you STJOHN.

2009-01-23T16:31:00.004+08:00

I hate this part right here,
I just can't take your tears.

I tried controlling myself just now. And I did it, but its actually lying to myself. I can't seem to forget about it and stay strong like what they say. I thought of NCO when we sang We love you St.john deep down in my heart. Thinking of it made my thoughts ran wild. I was thinking what will happen when worse comes to worst. If it really happens, I can't imagine whats the first reaction I will do.

Yes indeed, life still have to go on.
I'm literally hanging on to something that I'm not supposed to, I know there's no meaning to it. I'll let go of it slowly, bit by bit. The 2nd pillar of the st.john clique must stand strong. The rest must too. If one falls, the rest will fall. So everyone must stand strong especially the foundation pillar, LIMJIAXIN!

And there's no point crying over spilt milk. What's done is done, we can't turn back the clock. And if we can, I would also want to. Even if it fails we also must accept the reality, even if we don't want to. Like what Mr Gan says, leave this to the adults and don't get so attached to it. I partially agreed with him but human have feelings and the feelings in them grow as the days passed. Yea, so it'll need time for us to heal.

I guess thats it. I've got to go.

Denial.

2009-01-20T18:28:00.005+08:00

Since I said I didn't,
Why did I feel so uneasy after that? Was it true that I was sad just because she wasn't having a hell of a time. Why does my mood change after I saw her like that. It really makes me feels so (I don't know how to describe that) when I see her like that. I really don't want her to be like that.

'Cause everything inside it never comes out right.

Everything's like so tight so packed. (I'll post lesser and less often, but will keep this blog updated.)

I'm trying to make things right, put whenever I poke my nose in it, things just seem to get worse. Everything, everytime. I don't like it when I feel this way. I'm trying to be happy, yes its so simple and I have to just make myself laugh. This may sounds retarded. But who cares? Anyway. Maybe if I do the opposite way, will it get better. Or will they say that I can't be bothered. I'm in the wrong when I go left or right. So where's the direction of the route that I should face and walk down?

Studies and stuff goes quite smoothly. But physics test results are out and its terrible. Its only35.5/50. Thats not a good grade, I know that myself. But nevermind! Will try harder next time. The camp is coming, everything is coming and going at one go. People don't seem to understand whats on each other's mind. False accusations in the wrong point of view. Although this world is technologically improving but the mentality of human minds are "deproving". Well, thats exactly how I felt.

I'm off to doing my geog notes, bye.

2009-01-17T16:36:00.004+08:00

SJAB!:D

CCA Fair on thursday. It wasn't what I expected. The horoscope book said I must control my temper, and so I did. Things didn't turn out badly so. It was great actually. Everyone put in their effort. And the Ma'ams and Sirs came down too. And I was quite shocked that she actually wore that. Its my first time seeing her like that. Haha, funnaye(:

School was like shit.
A Maths is really driving me mad. I can't get the answers, I mean some. And the first Chem test, I only get 18 out of 25 and thats not what I really expect. At least 20 right. Okay I shouldn't want so much. I shouldn't be greedy. But its really disappointing. And its only the first topic which is the most easy topic. I think I CMI already lor for Chem.Went out to study with dearest, amira and hazyrah. Study till like 2 plus then we go eat. And we talk about something, yeah lol. We didn't really studied, yeah.

Today during lunch, mum asked if she were to send me for overseas eudcation, would I want or dare? I say of course. But I'll defintely miss S'pore. Yeah, but I really hoped she would not, I mean I would loved to but I hoped this won't happen.

I think I like Maths, I think I hate Maths.Lol.
Bye!

Mundane.

2009-01-09T22:29:00.004+08:00

Its still as boring as ever. No, I should use mundane. Ha(:

Seriously, I will not be posting that often now in secondary 3, its really getting more and more serious. But thanks to the nice nice teachers out there, for helping us out. A Maths is getting on my nerves, omg. Physics is getting tougher, but got good teacher teaching, lol._. Later Mr Peh read this then he might think I'm bootlicking him, heh. Mdm Tan is good at teaching maths, I understand it better when she teaches instead of the tuition centre.

I hope I'll get used to Ms Lim's way of teaching geog. :D
And I'm gna buck up on my mother tongue, 'O' levels chinese this year! Gambateh:D
English's A Word A day is fun! Everyday learn one word then one year learn many many words. Ha.

Today CCA,
went for cca briefing together with B.partner; lg. Then had punishment cos' that day meeting the guys were late for 23 mins in total. And total crap with hazyrah, the one who always act cute but I love her can, don't jealous oh! Opps:x Ha, later kena slap by her. Okay, its like I don't know why I laugh then I laugh she laugh, damn stupid right. Okay then training, after that had meeting. I NEED TO DO THE SPEECH(with ericsson) Omg, I'm so like scared can cos' LiWhey say I small but my voice loud like putting so much pressure on me la.

Then had stingray dinner with the two of them.
Home sweet home!:D

Lousy times.

2009-01-04T12:46:00.006+08:00

Damn.
Spent my new year not counting down, but in the hospital.
Well, you can't blame me too, who wants to be sick?:x

So, well missed the first day of school. Mrs Angeline Tan is our form teacher for this year.
Ha, I still think MR GAN the best, oops no offence la.
I mean all teachers are great and noble and whatever it takes to be a teacher.Went to take the bursary this morning, NEH no big deal just top 25 only.Not being proud or whatever la, just saying there're better people out there.

Got a lot of stationery to buy, I haven't got a chance to buy them. Going to buy them today with dearest. I miss school canns, boohhoo. Hope today will pass by fassttt. I mean FASTTT. Its already 2009 and I hope I'll get used to the class I'm currently in right now. Resolutions for the year are mainly:

1)Work hard!And get good results, you know I can't afford to losen down.
2)Maintain good relationships to whoever is it.
3)Eat more!
4)Be more cheerful, I hope thats possible.
5) Do well in CCA. SJAB IS MY LIFE! My passion.

A note to dearest; (Hope she'll read it.)
I just hope that you'll stay strong, b'cos I don't know what else I can say to you.If anything happens just remeber you still have us, we'll not ever ever leave you alone.Not when you're in trouble.We'll go through this together, you won't have to face it alone. The worst of the worst might come. We'll never know.Just don't keep everything to yourself. God bless.

A note to lg;
Girl, I'm back. Kicking and alive. Don't worry, we'll do this together alright, best partner? Together with the rest of the year3s(Year 2s) we'll do it for the seniors to see. Weak in number doesn't mean weak in strength. We can do it!(:

Thats all folks!

(L)

2008-12-30T19:06:00.006+08:00

Yesterday's comp selection and training was totally screwed.

My footdrills were horrendous. So we train and train and then I accompanied lg to square out some things. Some unhappy events happened, and so later the disaster were settled. We were splitted into two groups for the selection part and was together in a team with Jarrett, XueLing and Joey. It was pretty alright. Then last minute decision, the year twos fall in and we had to do the sequence infront of everyone and I don't know why. Yes, one word, SCREWED. My voice totally shit. First command, and I didn't even sedia the team. Damn. I don't even know what the heck am I doing.

Wanqin's self assuring herself.
I can't beat her in this, woo~ Her strength. Lol. She's really great can.
Her drills and stuff and all that, just a little bitty bit of confidence will do.
Plus she's so hardworking la! Reading the first aid stuff when
NOONE tells her to do so.
(I can't do that.)

And my best partner is also great.

She excels in the first aid, everyone knows that right?

Yeah, she always help me with the first aid, because she know

I suck in that.(TOO BAD)

After that was CPR. The case goes like this A lady was walking in heartland mall, she suddenly fell and went unconscious, there was blood all over her. They didn't even mention where does the blood came out from. Okay nevermind, there was no deformities and no liquid flowing out from the ear or anything. Results were not announced yesterday. Was feeling really sad and I don't know why. Went lunch at pizzahut, I ate a lot to fill my disappointment. 1 student meal, the beef lasagne meal which consist of the beef lasagne itself, pepsi, mushroom soup, four roasted chicken wing. Full to the brim*burp*

one way.

2008-12-27T15:24:00.008+08:00

Unwrap the infinity.

Well, next Monday is comp team training. I don't even have the confidence that I'll be able to get into comp team this year. I'm tired after all of this. I'm really afraid that history might repeat itself. I don't how to face that fact. Yes comptetion means winning or losing and people always say you go for competition because you want to go for an experience, well they say thats the main thing if not you just lose the purpose of going for a competition.

And my class motto's also, "We do not compete, we enjoy the process." Is that so? Does human thinks that way. I feel that that I don't really understand how I felt this few days. Its sort of crumbled up, everything. Everything doesn't seems the way it is. Is so messy and yes, just messy. People compete, although they say they don't. Everyone's so plastic, they wear a mask. Suddenly, I felt so inferior. I can't seem to do well in any areas. Its so competitive out there. I can't breathe.

"I have to stop thinking of all this"

Meeting for the camp was yesterday. Didn't went out quite smoothly cos' we quarrelled over the stupid damn posts. I don't understand myself at times like this. (But thank god, our friendship are still going on strong and smooth!:D) I don't wish to feel like this and act this way. But still, no personal feelings in serious stuffs. And hell, I regretted eating at White Tangerine Cafe after that. The chicken steak is so small. ROCCA is still the best!(: Haha, the herb is too sweet!:)*Shivers* But the soup is darn nice!

Woohoo. I don't owe lg anymore stingray. It sounds stupid but after the trip to bras bersah(I don't know how to spell, lol.) after the meeting I treated her to one bottled drink and one extra large packt of Nacho chips; the spicy one!:D Food's her heaven(:

Damn.
(Not having a hell of day)
012345. Go to hell

Bye.

Superhero girl(:

2008-12-24T15:40:00.003+08:00

Went out yesterday with lg to tamp mall, century square and bugis. Had lunch at a cafe near tamp mall, ate pasta and icecream sundae. I still owe her a stingray meal. (I hope she forget, :x) Later after that went to bugis to shop. We bought a tube dress and a checkered shorts each. The auntie gave us a free shirt. LOL. Haven't bought accessories to match with the dress yet. Then went home, reach home at 8 plus like that. Well, still considering whether going for the christmas party(?) tomorrow.

Today's christmas eve! MERRY X'MAS:D (Well, its as of like there's no christmas. Boring!)

Reply of tags
Nicole to glenn ng: Lols, yea my english suck, so what? LOLS.
Nicole to Junliang: Yeap, agreed. You arn't any taller anyway. I'm not short but fun for size.
Nicole to glenn ng/Junliang: SPAMMERS! (:
Nicole to HIDAYU:D: Yes! BNCO is really fun. You got to go next year okay? Ha.
Nicole to junming: Lols, how long eh?
Nicole to peiming: GI! Thanks for the tag! Love ya<3>

Nicole to ~ThEnG wEi~: Ha. I change song alrd, I don't know the previous song title but its a

korean song.

Nicole to glenn ng: If you're serious, I'm gna smack you:X

Nicole to junming: Hah, will relink you soon, big one(:

Nicole to Jiayi: Sorryy. Will link you up soon. HA. See ya soon, woots~ Miss ya:D

Nicole to junming: Stop the sentry or sanctuary thing or whatever la, lmao.

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. (Matthew10:16)

Disappointment;

2008-12-23T13:42:00.003+08:00

Its a whole lot of disappointment. Among all of the worst things that happens, this month is my dooms month. Yes, I failed in my thinking. I know my drills are really sucky now. Everything's all screwed up yesterday.(Maybe I didn't dig my ear.)

Yesterday was footdrill, first aid practical and theory exam. The footdrill exam, I screwed that part up. Well, although it doesn't matter anymore cos' I think I've failed BNCO. Yeap, so now it doesn't matter I screw up the things or not. Everything, the efforts and all those test even if i pass equals to ZERO outcome produce. And not even to mention joining competition team this years. Its "out of bounds" for me. Well, Malihah's leaving us. We're gonna prepare a speech for her. I'm afraid I'm gna cry. Well, I hope not.

Malihah, yes the gooodddiieee nicest person on earth and the bestest friend you can ever find. I'll definitely miss her for sure. The lame times and the serious times we spent together when we're in st.john. Next year on, things are going to be different, without her there's going to be less manpower considering the number of people in our batch. But we'll make it! For everything, the camp will be a success!(I hope:D) For we're united, everything will be a success(:

Treated ourselves to a really nice meal. Haha, me and lg had dorry fish and chips with the really nice coeslaw. Dearest had black pepper chicken, I want that! And she treated us to the cheesefries. I recommend all of you to try, its just at the cafe behind yyss(:

Cougar is still loved(:

2008-12-21T12:48:00.003+08:00

Exam day yesterday, didn't get enough sleep because was doing the speech and tried reading the course notes but none of it get into my mind. Well, forget it. Wq's daddy fetch us to BVSS. Malihah's the assistant course IC for the day together with XianZhi the course IC. Photo-taking session group and course. Something happened later, don't wish to mention. After that was the theory paper, screwed up the whole paper, i think I've failed._. Then the MOI speech, was talking like a bullet train man! And kevin sir was our examiner. After that Transportation of casualty, and I was asked to lie down on the stretcher!(LOL) Before going home, our group instructor, Pei Ming gave us each something, a chocolate and with a letter. This is whats inside the letter.

To dearest cougar:

Hey NCOs-to-be, look! Can you imagine that you have overcome the toughest moments during the course and camp? I'm telling you this, yes you did! Great job people!

The bitter times to the sweetest moments, I really hope that you guys learn something in the eight days, be it from the officers or the instructors and bring it back to your corp or even apply it in your life.

Yes, indeed I was disappointed with this group as you guys really got zero teamwork nevertheless; it was a vast improvement after the hike, which it's good. I may not know what Yun Si ma'am had told you guys, but she was superb. Her words actually allow the whole team to ponder and change the mindset of everybody. If all of you hadn't change your attitude, I wouldn't care. So, stop thanking me for forgiving you guys as you all are the ones that forgave yourself!

Hope that all of you enjoy the times that we spent together, e.g. meet ups, hiking, campfire etc. Erase the unhappiness moments that is in you, think positively. Everybody do makes mistakes is what I have to say, you just have to forgive and forget. I think and I hope that I didn't make this letter too touching because I want you to hold your tears! Be strong, alright! Did you all enjoy the campfire night? I guess so, as I've enjoyed it as well!

"As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our life change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever"

COUGAR, I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER ALL OF YOU!

From strangers to friends,
Loves, PeiMing!
NCOC'08 Cougar

Yes strangers from friends. Kind of miss Alpha division and alot for COUGAR! Ha, hope we'll have an outing soon! The bittersweet times are really memorable. Kind of sad that we can only meet when POP/POC. And I hope is POC, its more glam that way!

Off to studay first aid for tomorrow's test!

(-)

2008-12-19T22:28:00.002+08:00

When everything's in the fast lane, I've got to quicken my pace.

BANANA:D

2008-12-18T12:01:00.002+08:00

Yes. Cougar loves you!

Went to library with cougar to do the preperation for the MOI. Had tons of fun with them. Ha. Went KFC for lunch then we shopped around the mall to get something for Peiming . We decided to buy a BANANA. Haha, those gigantic one. To let her think of us when she sees the banana, b'cos we ate banana during the camp and did banana dance too. We went to tampines sports hall to hand the banana to her. Haha, later she hugged us. *touched*

Went back to hougang with Jeslyn and Sophia and talk crap on the way home, they showed me their ez-link card the picture can, so cute la. Lol. A maths tuition after that. Yijin didn't came, damn last week he kept laughing at me, sacarstic:x Surds and Indices is making my brain burst. Damn, the laws of indices are so profound.

Things need to be done:

1) Rushing the powerpoint slides for MOI
2) Editing the script for the MOI
3) Reading first aid notes for 22 Dec test
4) Reading BNCO course notes for theory test.

Cougar!♥

2008-12-16T14:15:00.005+08:00

Finally back from BNCO camp yesterday. How I wish I could stay one more day(:

1st day
Well, was almost late as malihah came late, the bags are really heavy and we can't even carry them cos' we're wearing full uniform as usual. Reporting, admin and first parade, was the group IC for the first day. Bunk inspection as usual later, flag was confiscated cos' it touched the floor. All of the six flags of Basic's got confiscated. None of my belongings was confiscated(: Standardising was difficult:x Changed to pt and had our lunch. First day's lunch was horrible, especially BANANAS.Duty group for the first day and we had to clean the tables used by the Basics. Drill knowledge by Yun Si ma'am and Marcus sir, had to change to half uniform in a few minutes. Sing-a-long session, flag lowering and dinner. Dinner was okay. Then casualty simulation by Henry Wang sir was fun. Night snack was green bean and biscuit. Then personal admin, bathing was tough one, so many people squeezing in one cubicle. Lights off.

2nd day
Woke up early, fire drill. Then we had PT. Was shivering like shit, cos' it was really cold in the morning. Breakfast was bread with kaya and butter with a cup of milo. Jiaxin reported to the camp on that day. Map reading later with our Gi. Then footdrill session, changed to half uniform as usual. The weather was really warm and sweat like shit. Then lunch, had to sit up straight not to slouch for every meal. Group performance preperation with caracal and cheetah. Rehearse our dance and song. Pre-hike briefing and had to rushed back to the bunk to get the items needed for the next day's hike. MOI project preperation, we're spiltted into small groups according to our group. I was grouped together with Azilah and Chunkiat, the blur one:D Flag lowering and dinner, had to sit up straight, was the assistant group IC for the next day together with Jun Ming as the group IC. Casualty simulation was more intersting that day, the sir put on a wig which he said was bought by his sister from other countries. One of the basics was being stripped as the sir wanted to show us a casualty that was being burnt in a fire. Night snack, last parade. Personal admin as usual and then lights off.

3rd day
First parade, getting ready for the hike at Pulau Ubin. The boat was really shakey and was feeling giddy. The first part of the hike was really fun, we joked about Meera's "favourite" food, roti prata, its really funny. Went to two checkpoints before lunch, and met up with "BOBBIES", lol, I mean bobcats. Field cooking was screwed up, we disappoint out Gi and we apologised to her during dinner back at CCSS. Yun Si ma'am knew about it, and scolded us. I felt so guilty at that time, that I cried. RuiHan saw me crying and she cried too. Personal Admin first before dinner. The group of us went to the committee's table during dinner and apologised to PeiMing ma'am. Nevertheless, she forgaved us and ate with us. I felt that she was really an understanding and a very nice group instructor. After dinner, we had a feedback session with Marcus sir at the parade square. That feedback session was really fun. Group preperation after that. Night snack was barley and it tasted like rubber. Gosh, I almost vomited that time. Last parade and lights off. We joked in the bunk and couldn't sleep at all.

4th day
First parade and PT. Breakfast was mudane as its the same for whole camp. MOI footdrill was horrible, I'm afraid I would fail. After that changed back into PT for team building games. I finally felt some teamwork within our group. Cougar rocks my socks man!(: Lunch was nice. After that, Transportation of Casualties was cancelled and we prepared for campfire that night and had group preperation. Dinner was very early, it was at 4 plus and we had flag lowering. Had our personal admin before camp fire and dinner. After that was campfire, the greatest and the most fun part of the camp. Advance performance was nice and all I can say is that they're really united. We had our performance that we train very long. Alpha rock! (123, 321 Alpha, alpha no.1, ABC, CBA, Alpha alpha all the way!) Was being sabo-ed up to dance with chun kiat. Wanqin, Jiaxin and Ericsson was also being sabo-ed up. So its like one couple, one couple. Supper at night. Had the certificate presentation for the instructors. When it was Peiming ma'am turn, my group shouted, "PEIMING MA'AM, WE LOVE YOU!" Haha.Advance sang the song that was so touching that the advance group instructors cried. Then supper, I reported sick and was excused for century duty. Personal admin again and then lights off.

5th day
First parade and PT. Breakfast was still the same. Then area cleaning. After that, we sing songs and cheers and went really high. Friendship dance at parade square, cheers and the advance sang "when the cold wind blows" in a different version again, and they cried again. Returning of belongings and then went home.

Now preparing for the speech for the MOI classroom for the exam and revising for the theory part. I really wished I could stay one more day, I don't mind all the tough trainings and the scoldings. Its really fun and memorable. Cougar is the best group!:D And our group instructor is the best instructor!

2008-12-09T20:06:00.004+08:00

Twilight symphony

I do not repeat gossips. (So listen carefully for once.)

The day after tomorrow, and I shall meet my doom, my death, my tomb. Being tortured by your parents is already horrible, whats more being tortured by the hands of someone you don't know. Well, I have to admit this is a training camp, so what? We're not in prison, even if we're in, there's still such a thing called human rights.

I'm not trying to make them sound horrible, but thats what I feel, thats what I felt, and what I'm going to feel, not forgetting it in my whole life. We have to go thru this, every sj member have to. It is part of what the instructors called training, I have to admit this is my fate. Thinking about it, why do I have to suffer this if in the first place I study hard for my PSLE and get better grades and go into a school which I can continue my guides journey which is what I've been yearning for all this while. Its more fun, and I bet I'll enjoy myself in there. Its been my dream, all along, I didn't know that I'll be in Sj. And I haven't heard of it in my life.

Not til' I went into my secondary school life.

But things have come to this state, I can only endure, and go thru it with a smile. And forget about it after that. Whether I pass anot, its up the God to decide. I shall not dwell about this matter anymore. Its really killing my brain cells, more white hair are coming out. I'll be a dead meat soon.

I'm healing.

2008-12-07T13:45:00.005+08:00

Yes, the title shows I'm healing, yes I am. Indeed, I don't feel so sad anymore. Because I've learnt to let go now. Learn to let go of those things that I can't possibly get. Now, I don't get sad for the littlest things that happen, and no I don't. My mood sank tremendously ever since the lectures took place.

I really wish there's no such things as NCO, or I wish that I was way back in the past and my family was poor then I have to go out and work during the holidays then I won't have to go for NCO this dumb thing. Waste time, waste money, waste my brain cells and in conclusion, I was made to die faster. Well, went out to army market today. Obviously, we went there to buy camp stuffs. Dearest met kitty there. We saw our NCO mates there, Jeslyn and two other were there. Before I forget, thanks lg for the almond chocolate, nice! I spent $20 in total, not including the watch and Icemountain.

Will be the group IC for the first day of camp, thats really bad alright. Must train up on voice if not later kena shouted then die. I'm starting to pack the camp stuffs, and the bag weighs tons. Class outing on tuesday after the rehearsal for campfire night. Busy schedule.

So what if I'm tired, I can't do anything about it.

2008-12-04T18:37:00.002+08:00

I shall post.(December's first post.)

Training on the 1st and 2nd December. First aid case and footdrills on both day. Full strength on the 1st Dec for year2s except lg cos' she went overseas. My mind totally blank out when we did the first aid case. Conclusion, got a lot of brushing up to do. I must work hard! 2nd Dec, only three of the year 2s came, apparently, Ericsson and Jarrett absent themselves. I thought they would come! I was not in the mood that day, and I lost my temper. Felt so irritated by something, and I don't know why either. Maybe I'm brooding over the upcoming camp. Gives me shivers.

First aid case was horrendous, I totally freaked out. I don't know what happen but I just couldn't move my hand, I couldn't do anything. Fug. I didn't knew things would turn out that way, I wasn't hoping for it this way. Things just didn't seem to go my way.

Yesterday was flag making for group and division plus thinking of cheers and making the "photo board". The guys weren't cooperative, they didn't even want to speak up. Useless! Had quite some fun. Meet them at tamp interchange. And I saw someone I didn't expect. ._. Kinda shock though. And a little awkward(: Went to sunplaza park and did the flag and things. Didn't had breakfast and lunch, cos' I was expecting it to end quickly.

Later went off early with dearest cos' we had tution at night, its really tiring. I ate sandwich on the way to MXP. Later went to the coffeeshop and. Both of us were really hungry. A maths tution was fun, the guys were noisy but fun. Ha. Was out the whole day and dead tired. A maths was really tough.

Sec three's stuff are really giving me headaches.

2008-11-30T19:05:00.002+08:00

Counting down

(11 more days to torture!)

There, I silence myself.
(NCO's driving me nuts.)

2008-11-30T14:35:00.003+08:00

(Mood: Stressed ):)Yesterday was the first lecture.

My dad went to fetch the whole lot of them. The six of us. Then alighted at the bus stop cos' it wasn't time to go in yet. They shouted at us the minute we went in. Damn it. I was the only Yuying in my group, so were the rest of them. Pathetic us, well, its also another good chance for us to make new friends. My group was cougar. Thats puma(?) Thats what I found from the dictionary. There were groups like cheetah, caracal, bobcat(I thought it should be bobdog though). Reorting and administrative stuffs first. Then was course breifing and opening ceromony. Caught for shoes, not shiny enough. At least mine the side got shine right. and i make an effort okay. Yes, now I know what NCO really means on the other hand.

Later lectures by various sirs and ma'ams. They told us about the group flag and division flag, must be ready by next week. For one thing I felt like saying. But I can't say._. Ended up same division as Wanqin. Luckily, I wasn't alone for the division thing. Lunch, which I thought we, same corp de can eat together, which later was what? Fat hope. Lectures and lectures. Footdrills was totally shit. BOO D: I hate it. Shall not say why too. Then last parade. Went home after that. Dragged til' 1 hour later then was released.

Its worst then surviving in a jungle. Well, thats apparently how I felt yesterday.
With no voice and having a cough, I really can do nothing.

Gosh, I don't think I can survive in the camp. (But, I still have to.)
I don't think I want to go to the camp for now.(But, I still have to.)

I wonder how will I die in the camp. And I wish I could, really. Next week lecture again. I don't want to go, can I not go, its really crazy. The people there, no reason also scold, not happy also scold. I really wonder what the hell do they want from us. I want to CRY, like for once, lemme cry please. I know I can't. But I need to.

That stack of NCO notes or whataever is with me now. Its lying on the table, as if its so innocent but ITS NOT. Hell, no way. Its killing me, killing my brain cells, making me have more wrinkles and eventually die faster. This is really crazy. One day, if I'm going to die just like that, the reason will be the NCO thing driving me until like that. Thay drove me until I have nowhere to go. Its coming faster and faster, minutes and seconds ticks away, driving me nearer and nearer to the corner.

2008-11-27T12:26:00.014+08:00

Its as though you didn't even care. You didn't even bother how I was feeling. I always felt that I know what you were thinking but honestly speaking. I do not know. I don't even know a single thing. I came to know that now, you didn't even trust me. Not even a single thing. Maybe I was too naive, believing that not being in the same class would not affect our friendship, but actually it does. It really does, and a lot of difference too. (I was not trying to gain sympathy, just trying to type out how I felt.)

Firstly, Happy belated birthday to Glenda(Spastic):D!

I shall not be thinking of all this things now.
NCO is all of the things that should come to my mind now. Right now. I wonder how am I going to bath in such a short time, sleep enough in such pathetic little hours, change within a few minutes, eat so much amount of food. And worst of all, having to sacrifice our hair for NCO, are all this worth it? So do I really mean it when I say " we do not compete, we enjoy the process". Do I? I don't think so.

Are things meant to be the way they are? Are they meant to be untouched. Or are they meant to be created by mankind. What exactly are emotions. Are they meant to be destroyed by others, verbally and mentally.

Sentimental.

2008-11-22T19:35:00.002+08:00

Novels. Novels. And novels. (Well, I just can't seem to get bored over them.) Fieldwork this week or rather this four days, dearest been rushing me to give her the book asap, cos' she saw that book first, but I saw that book that day when I couldn't find my library card, gosh damn it. I could have been faster and not resulting to rushing thru sucha thick book so fast.

Today, training at school with the year1s, pathetically(three of the year1s turn up). Full strength for the year 2s (:D) *Happys*/Is there even sucha word?(: First thing first, throat wasn't feeling that well, but still have to act as if nothing happen, just drank alot of water during break times, which was like 3-5min per break. ): Footdrills then first aid session, we didn't did much for first aid session too :x Certificate presentation to the year1s and 3s for promoting, some to LCP, Coporal and Seargant.

Change to PT after that.
Me and lg took 4 mins to change, well almost everyone did that, cos' they're rushing and I almost couldn't get the stupid belt off the uniform, damn. Luckily I managed to slipped them off. *pheeew* They gave us 7 mins to change and we're left with 3 mins. Wasted 1 min standing outside sj room then rush into the room to drink water, left one minute and we started playing captain's ball. I caught the ball only twice I think:x Anyway, our group won. Closing parade and went mac. Headed home after that.

Dropped dead later.

It tells so.

2008-11-21T20:34:00.010+08:00

Seriously, I don't give a damn now.

Its one thing for sure.

Watch the coffin the day before yesterday. Its not really that scary. Lg didn't watch the whole show. She was busy covering the popcorn in front of her face. Stupid her. Dearest too, so big size still scared. A bit inbalance, lol. Sk was the bravest, *appluase*. I laughed at some parts(._.) I think I'm drunk, lols.

Had training yesterday. It was what I wanted always, but somehow I regretted it quite abit. This sounds really absurd, I know. Got caught for wearing white socks inside black socks during attire check and was ask to take it off immediately. Tough training, drills(I hadn't done it for I don't know how many zillion years, goshxzcv.)(!) Had to lock the hands real tight and I think I had pull the muscles too hard and over strain it, now its aching like shit. Hope it'll be fine tomorrow.

After the drills was fun, never had that fun before. Played water games, and damn it(The water went into my ears.) Flood in ears(!) I was drenched all over as if I bath and never clean my body like that, its really digusting. First aid session was a taboo game, and lg and I guessed correctly 6 questions. Clever ain't we? Heh, best partners ma(:Received edusave letter today. Yay! Top 25% Wee~ I'm going to change part of the edusave into cash and spent it, woohoo.

My title tells it all. I'm not going to give a damn to whatever it is. I'm going to face it all. Yes, I'm going to. I'm gald you've thought it all through and I know that you can be strong, and you must be. You're the strongest pillar of the four of us. (: You know I'm talking about you, yes you. 8 more days, its one week and one day. I wonder how will I survive in the lecture, let alone the camp. Damn this thing called BNCO.

Training tomorrow. Going to rest early today. (Maybe)

30th november is my doom day.

2008-11-18T22:53:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you got to go to the pain to experience the joy.

It went out all smoothly this few days. Didn't online and didn't went out. Stayed home read first aid book. Got to revise myself. Training's on thursday, got to prepare myself. I don't like to do what people say so I decided read it myself. Read until the third part of the book. Well, its tough reading it._. Decided to blog and keep this blog updated so it won't die so easily.

Went bugis today, shop around and had laksa for dinner at the coffee shop opposite bugis junction. Dearest they all said want go for movie at e-hub tmrw. Should I go? I want to watch the coffin but I do not know whether should I go or not. Boo, this is really irritating. Training's just the day after tmrw, so I really don't know I should go or not. Well, I'll leave it with a question mark then. Shall decide later on.

This little column here for my beloved CiEn♥,

Maybe there're some misunderstandings along the way, but I just wna let you know that the rest of the 11 mains still do care, and I know I do. Like what Jiaxin said, without you, it isn't really the same anymore, it ain't what we used to be not the 11mains. We've been through so much, and so for the account of this, can you cancel off the strike and lets remain what we're in the past. Can we? Will you come back?

200th post!:D

2008-11-14T15:57:00.005+08:00

Anxiety Suspense.

ICT training was today. The instructor taught us how to use the microsoft powerpoint, which I already know how to use. I chose to do the topic on Eeyore, my favourite character among all the Winnie the Pooh and friends character. He's the very cute one:D

Went for lunch later, met Mrs Mahinda and we sat down and ate lunch together at the ABC Restaurant(?) I ordered 2 eggcheese prata(: While eating, we talk about cca, the badges and stuff and the colour of t-shirt we want for next year's annual camp etc. After that, Mrs Mahinda paid for us, the three of us, and thats a total of 6 prata(: Wee~ Thanks Mrs Mahinda! Went library to return books, thought of borrowing but in the end, I can't cos' Malihah took my library card(?) I think she took, can't really remembered, or I lost it. Boo:/

Mum registered the tuition centre at MXP for me, and I'll be in the same tution centre with Miss LeeWanQin. *Claps* I'm so excited about the things that we'll be learning in sec three cans. But its rather difficult. So, no triple but the bio teacher can coach us bio for the "SPA" thingy. I also not sure of whats happening. But I will get a reply from dearest, ASAP! Yes, and I mean it:D

I am nervous.
I am scared.
I feel like backing out.
But, I will persevre.
(nervous) because of the torture.

Failures.

2008-11-13T12:05:00.006+08:00

When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

Reply of tags
Nicole to Yvonne: Yea!:D Fun Day(: Agreed lots. Everyone enjoys the process moments,
haha. Iloveyou(:
Nicole to Vivien: Lols, whats with the 'yes'? Ty for the tag(:
Nicole to SOKKUAN!: I love joker, lols<33
Nicole to (♥) GLENDA: Lmao, I still think that Sokkuan's a better joker, just stick with the fact that you're more spastic than others. Yay!:D (♥)

The torture has yet to come.

2008-11-12T16:10:00.006+08:00

Superspastic!:x

Reply of tags!
Nicole to Yvonne: I also xiang ni la! Elmomobbb:D(loves)
Nicole to jiaxin: Where got people so damn bhb one, ask the other party to love deeply instead of just love you._. Okay la, I will love you deeply:D
Nicole to Yvonne: Love you to the max? No problem la, haha. LMAO, you two(:
Nicole to SOKKUAN!:Yeap! Love you loads, joker!:D
Nicole to zhihui: You answer my answer already:D Had fun with people like you guy:D Love you, cute little one!

Went school to check out the venues for the lecture and campsite this morning. This sounds really stupid, going to school just to check out where's the place. Its really shocking, lg almost got a depression. (faints) :D

Lecture: Bedok View Secondary School (BEDOK)
Camp Site: Changkat Changi Secondary School(SI MEI)

Oh gosh, I don't feel like living. The place is like so far, damn it. Everything happens for a reason, so can you tell me the reason for using changkat changi as the camp site(?) Wellwellwell, got to run and get ready for the meeting later for the telemarketers at Toa Payoh. I think I'm in for the job(?) Hah, the brown shirt again._. I didn't want it, but I respect the elderlys, come people like lg. Stupidd. Got to listen to her, since she's like older than me. Yeah she's old, fyi.

I'll make every second count.

2008-11-12T15:28:00.007+08:00

Starbucks(♥)

Beach station. Play ball:D

Y

Went out to eat pizza yesterday, together with Yvonne, Zh, Sk, lg and Eeyern plus Ruishen, to celebrate dearest's birthday. Ate until I was really bloated. Later they took the cake out which they bought. Supposedly, I was to pay money but don't know why, and later the icing that was on the cake had my name(._.) It was a little too sudden. I also didn't know what to do, they celebrated dearest birthday and my belated birthday. Okay, thankyou people for the "sudden" celebration and happy belated birthday to DEAREST:D Wee~ I love her cans, that stupid dumbo(: Haha.

Next, we went to vivocity, was planning to go sentosa but it rain, so went walking around, suggested movies but didn't make it for the coffin cos' the movie was at 2 but we reach golden village at 2 plus. Then we go seperate ways. Me and lg went starbucks for a drink and at the same time, search for part-times. Met up again with them, and this time we make it for SENTOSA!:D Okay, went to beach station and the three usuals(us) went to the bridge and do some stupid stuffs.

Later played with the rest with the ball that Zh bought, we played everything out of it. You can kick it, throw it, anything. 2A vs 2B. Who won(?) I forget also. But to us, we do not compete, we enjoy the process. Then dearest went off first cos' she need to go for the movie with her mother(?) Not sure, either. Dinner was chicken rice. Headed home after that.

2008-11-09T18:08:00.004+08:00

Curly fries:D with the company of houseflies._.

Went out with lousygirl just now, just to accompany her to eat lunch at around Buangkok MRT station at 4pm. Alrights, lunch plus dinner. Okay, I know I'm sucha good friend, eat lunch already still come out and eat with her. Together with the companion of the flies around her, we ate hokkien mee and curly fries. I love the curly fries canns:D Didn't finish cos' I was really bloated. Can go burst anytime, not only me can, she also never finish, because she's lousy. Please say yes.

Walked around the HDB flat which had a mini garden at the second floor. Millipedes and centipedes around the ground, ALIVE. Damn shit. Jump around with the eyes stuck onto the floor just to make sure we didn't kill any of them. Was uber terrified so went down to the playground the exercise place instead. Swung her up and down when she sat on the swing. Haha, its so funny, reminds me of how wq was being tortured by me at punggol park. Tried incline pull up, it totally sucks. I can't even do one.

Headed home after that, she walked home, I took bus home. End of my stupid story, bye:D

The climax, the closure.

2008-11-08T21:37:00.004+08:00

High tides, low tides. There's bound to be some, at least some in everyone's life. Maybe you won't realise, when you say friends, others might think you said forever. Friends, hi-bye. You might not even have a single friend that will stay by you. Don't misinterpret other's meaning when they say friends, they might not mean forever when you thought they do. You'll be the one end up suffering more than them.

I just had this feeling somehow, it came out simply from nowhere. I'm not emo, not sad nor anything. But if the world were to be destroyed tomorrow, will the people treasure the friends and family around them. Will they, say yes please. Its really sad. The 7pm show is really touching(?) Should I use this word, is it appropriate? The song is really nice. The theme song.

Those who got watch 溏心风暴 will find this familiar. Its really touching(:

没有常在心的日子　第831日　晴

今天我做计程车离开法院的时候，　我竟然在车上不断掉眼泪。以前我常常想，如果终于有一天答应大脚八，我一定会开心到掉眼泪。但是我很肯定，我这次的眼泪是为常在心开心而掉。我不想她像之前那样，失控而泪流满面。我想常在心永远都笑，但不知道为什么，我们常常都吵架。每一次吵架候回到家里，想起你哭的样子，我都会对自己说，Alfred, 干嘛你要发这么大的脾气，　干嘛不可以让你，干嘛不多考虑你的感受。但不知道为什么我再见你的时候，又会发脾气。我们又会再争吵，可能是我很想你了解我多一点。我很想说服你，你还记不记得，她甚至不介意我有女朋友。我跟她在一起的时候，一点压力也没有，我很享受这一种感觉，觉得很刺激。我知道　自己在玩火但是我又舍不得放弃着种感觉。除了坦白之外，如果还有什么可以弥补，不管是什么事，我都愿意去做。

Seriously, I cry throughout the show when they show about the diary last year when I watch it. Its really super touching.

High tides

2008-11-08T20:23:00.008+08:00

I can't bring myself to say this out. No I can't, I must not. I'll wait, for her to come back then I'll tell her. Maybe she'll forget what I've told her about something I need to tell her, then that's great. Because I don't want to let her know. Its not about the trust thing, its better not to let her know.

I don't know.
I don't want.
I don't wish.
I don't like this feeling.

Can I don't answer the question, I don't like that question. I don't want to do this. I don't want, please don't force me. I chose not to answer you, because I don't want you to worry. I really don't want. I promise I'll tell you when you come back. I also wish to tell you, but somehow, I just can't bring myself to tell you this. I'd want you to go with peace and come back with laughter. I'll tell you, but not now.

In a call with lousygirl and sk. Talking about the shirt that we bought just now "Always late, but worth the wait" Can you imagine about 8 people ~~bought this same shirt~~bought the shirt from the same shop from our class, and four of us same ~~colour~~design somemore, this is so stupid(?) Wearing the same time, same shirt. Hmph. It'll look funny right. Shop til' dropped. Walked nearly for 3 hours, gone insane, crazy.

1)Taiwan Sausage
2)Seaweed chicken
3)Ice lemon tea
4)Red belt
5)Black shirt
6)Lemon barley

Headed home after that.

{edited}
The cancellations made above are because of the wrong information that lousygirl gave me, if you want go and scold her please, and i'll be glad that you do.

Without you.

2008-11-07T14:34:00.013+08:00

Because nobody wants to be the last one there, because everyone wants to feel like someone cares.

Mood swings!:/ I'm sad, happy, tired, stressed, insane, all tied up(?) I don't know how am I feeling just so irritated somehow, by some idiots:x

I've been thinking about this. Blogging is a real chore(?) Alrights, its not exactly a chore. I don't know what it is. I've been spending my whole time just to think what am I suppose to type. I kept a blog, because I want to keep memories. You know, to remember what happened, and when it happened. Looking back, you might actually feel that you're really stupid and stuff like that, not stupid but the things that happened might sometimes be hilarious. So, it is as if my personal journal have been brought to the cyber world, all just within a click means. And typing.

I didn't start a personal journal, all because of the word laziness. And because you need to write it everyday, I don't have the time and energy to write it everyday. Blog saves time, just by typing and clicking, you can say how you feel and upload pictures, by just a click. But if I had money to but those really retro camera that can take really nice photographs, I would consider saying bye to this blog and start a journal. Then I could just take the pictures that i want and put it into my journal whenever I like, because I love photography. I'm so like confused now, maybe I should just close this blog, for real. This whole thing really sucks big time.

Counting down again, the BNCO thing keeps flashing in my mind, I just can't seem to get rid of it and its so irritating, can't even concentrate on a single thing. I know, I can't afford to fail. I don't want to either. The process, does it really matter? Yes it does. I'm so looking foward to the campfire, the getting of the shirt and the release after the camp, but not the camp:x This really sounds stupid, but its exactly how I feel. I feel how I feel. (:

Mentally deranged

2008-11-06T17:22:00.006+08:00

And now, I fold a heart each time I miss them.

I remembered the days we spent together, not thinking how fast would it end. I'm always used to feel like dreaming, except we woke up. Never thought not having you guys would hurt so much.

You guys build memories that lasted, as long as I remembered. Class blog's video and post are wonderful, touching and I couldn't think of any words anymore. My vocab's limited! Oh gosh, I needa strengthen up my english command. Can't afford to fail english. Shit. Read, read and read. I'm really exhuasted. Read dearest's blog, oh well, I will change my not-happy attitude, or I should say serious. Ha(.) Andand, we'll do well together not only in physics and also the other subject. I'm hardworking(?) Are you sure? I think you're more hardworking haha. Anyway I love you too!:D

And lousy girl, haha. I won't fall, because I don't want to make you cry. Later make you more lousy:x If the juniors think you look like don't know what then what about me? They might think that I look very clumsy, so old already still fall down:p (: Iheartsyou:D

BNCO lecture counting down, 23days :/ I can't fail BNCO:D Even if I fail I wouldn't want to take again. I really need training. Personal physical training in process every morning currently.

Back to back

2008-11-05T20:08:00.005+08:00

Hide-and-seek.

I've thought for a uber long time about what to post. I shall write a message to the three of them instead. 2 years of friendship, I hope it'll last long, ha. We must use the pencil case that we bought okay. Piglet, pooh, tigger and eeyore. I love you'al, my friends.

Dearest, wq.
I'll be in the same class with you, it never came across my mind that we'll be in the same class though. You've always been smarter than me which is a fact although my PSLE marks is higher than yours. Your never say die de spirit, always liven my spirits, you made me believe that I can do it. You might not notice though. Your laughing sound, is so funny. You never fail to make me laugh although we quarrel sometimes but we apologise to each other in the end, which i find is laughable. Work hard next year, both cca and studies(: Iloveyou, dumbo.

Lovergirl, jx.
Ha. Also known as lousy girl. I've shared my 心事 with you the most, you've kept my engine running. We may not agree to certain things sometimes but, it'll end up as a happy ending sometimes. 2 years, you may say its short, you may say its long. But to me, I cherish you. And thats already enough. I remebered sec 2 sjab camp. I fell from the stairs which is a very dumb thing. I was almost gna cry because of the extreme pain, I saw you so anxious. Somehow, the pain disappeared. Stingray after st.john, haha promised.(: Thnks for the beautiful memories you've given us. Iloveyou, lg.

Bestfriend, M.
Having sat with you for that period of time, its really nice, seatmate. You laughed at my dumb jokes. You did what i ask you to do, even the most ridiculous things. Sometimes, i wasn't paying attention in class, you help me copy the notes even. Thanks. Your sacarstic expressions are really funny and retarded sometimes, but you're the greatest. I will, we will go to school together, as promised. 112! And if time permits, we'll go home together, study together. Hope we'll stay as best of friends and iloveyou, M.

--------------------------------------------------------

ICT training today, I missed my friends badly. Appointment later. The nurse injected for me, its painful alrights, no blood so have to squeezt, my bones almost cracked. Stupid. Will be watching the horror movie later at ten. Weee~ I love horror movies, I want to watch the coffin soon. 26 Nov movie outing sing to the dawn with Ms Latha at Jurong, still deciding whether to go anot. If they're not going, I won't be going either.

Job interview yesterday. Such a disgrace. Failed. Interview at bukit merah, went with the two usuals. All of those who went there got the job except for us, its so dumb. B'cos we only wanted to work for two weeks we can't work. Remembered the first job i work as, tutor. Giving english tutor, i know my english suck. Korean ramen after that with them, i love the soup. Dearest ate two sets of the rice. Its so horrible, watching her like that. Thats why i say, bringing her out is expensive. Ha(.) Will continue to job hunt. Thanks jiaxin for all that. I love you.

Keeping sanity intact.

2008-11-03T17:44:00.003+08:00

I felt so much like giving up, but I know I couldn't and I shouldn't. Its my choice, since I make it. I have to live with it. Although it doesn't go my way, and voices in my head asking me to give up, nothing else matters. Because it doesn't get me down, I know I've to hang on to it, I must stay committed to my decision. I must hold my stand.

Wanqin dearest, you're ~~equally important as they are~~ more important than them, the three of you. No matter what you'al are truly significant and important okay. This path is gna long, will you all be there, along the road with obstacles, i hope so. Horridly, my feelings are tangled up, I just want someone, someone that I trust and I can talk to, or maybe not, burying my feelings six feet underground seems nice too. So, I hope you can understand, sometimes.. (backspaced)

Sometimes, I tried my very best to make things better, anyone know that(?) But ended up screwing things up and of course, drenched with the scoldings and stuff. So its my fault always. Been in a daze, even lg noticed it, i'm not exaggerating or whatever. The feelings soaking inside, I hope they'll rot and die down one day. Just like that. I wish I didn't knew what you're thinking, maybe it'll make me happier, you knew I was naive, and you still chose to hurt me this way.

When the times was still black and white, people are nicer, in the sense. Now til' now, everyone's selfish i bet not even the nicest person is nice. They think of themself before others, thats when everyone's a crook. Who do you trust then, ask yourself.

Take a breath, I'll pull myself together.

2008-11-03T16:52:00.003+08:00

I've been tagged by my dearest sister, AMIRA and my mummy, HAZYRAH to do the survey below.

1. Do you have secrets?
You want to know? Bribe me la.(-.-)

2. Would you fall in love with a guy younger than you?
Maybe. Let's see who he is first, hehs.

3. Do you enjoy going to school?
But of course.

4.What would you do with a billion dollars?
C-H-A-R-I-T-Y!(:

5. Will you fall in love with your bestfriend ?
I'm not that stupiddd.

6.Which is more blessed , loving someone or loved by someone?
The's answer's obvious._.

7.List out 4 favourite things that you like.
Eat, sleep, read, comppp.

8.If you have one wish , what would it be?
Not to have the end of the world day to come(?)

9.Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
Unless you're a extremely pessimistic person, of course there is!

10.What's the memorable thing anyone have done for you?
I'm shy la.

11.How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
I don't have that long to live. 2012(remember this date and you'll know why)

12.Who is currently the most important people to you?
Family, friends, you, you and you(:

13.What is being regreted as the most important thing in your life?
PSLE and not joining guide. (Hope the snrs don't see this):D

14.Is your birthday on holiday?
This year, thankfully it is.

15.What is your favourite colour?
Baby blue, LIME GREEN! and purple:D

16.If you fall in love with two people simitaneously , & both of them do the same , who would you pick?
The person who love me more than I do love him.

17.Would you forgive & forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Forgive is one thing and forget is another, don't bring them together(;

18.What do you want to tell the someone you like?
I will not say anything. ._. Unlike some people who like to publicise their love:P

28 days to BNCO lecture D:

2008-11-01T13:40:00.002+08:00

Reply of tags

tini: Heyyo!:D
EEELLiS: Hello(: Haha(?) Thanks for the tag! Linked alrd:D
VIVIEN: (: Ha.
Cheryl Yuen: Hey there Cheryl Yuen!(: I'll miss you too. Like hell, haha. Lovelove you too Y

Serious business now.
Search the classified just now and yesterday managed to find some suitable ones, like ~~promoter~~(this isn't suitable anyway), packer and door-to-door flyers. And lg found packer too, but was rejected by the person this morning when she called in as they do not want students(-.-) Thats so stupid can. Sms-ed the person our age, didn't reply gosh are they sleeping or what, got people want to help them do work also don't want stupid right D:

I'm really rotting at home. Just want to find some serious business and do. Can't they just reply whether they're hiring or not hiring meh. By not replying, what the hell. Life's gettin' really bored now, just me and my novels side by side. But its better then nothing. Saw this website, its about the elite bloggers, I don't even know whats that, I just ask them to link me up and I linked them up too. Elite blogger(: Its really freaking warm now, roarszxcv. Sometimes, its not about sorry or not. Its the heart that counts, the heart that melt others, the sincerity that show you care. But I know you don't, its you who don't, no you don't.

Slept at 2 plus almost 3 yesterday, went out for supper at 1 cos' I was really hungry, I guess I'm really doing nothing now, except onlining, eating, sleeping, and reading. This is really so fustrating, I hope that the person will reply my message. Ha, I'm learning how to fold straw hearts, yea:D I know its late, and I'm a slow learner, but its better than not knowing. Hah(:

Nothing else matters, you do.

29 days to BNCO lecture!

2008-10-31T17:04:00.005+08:00

You've always said memories fade over time, but its now then i realise they don't.

Onlined for the whole day. But I read my novels why onlining andd thats a waste of electricity(?), thats just a waste of money. Butbut, I still can't resist my urge to online. Boo, I know a secret, and conclusion all crows are black. No offence though, just felt so (#%#$^$#) shit. Sissy(thats my sister) went to watch HSM3 today which leaves me all alone in the house. Well, its so damn U-N-F-A-I-R. Yes, can't believe that I've said unfair. Shitty, she primary 5 can go out with her friends and watch movie. Thinking back when I was about her age, I was at home studying.

Technology improves, it kills people, kills feeling. Halfway through my novel, its so exciting okay (._.) Ha, i found out something real interesting. Look at this thing(.) Stare at the (.) point. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Doesn't this looks like "something"? Alrights this is getting so awkward, i shall stop here for the point thingy:D

Well, lizards are really scaring the freak outta me. Its so gross, digusting, ugly, stupid, yucky. And all the crude and lame words that I can use to describe it. The experience with lizards can really make me scream. I mean SCREEAAAAMMM:D Remembered once someone told me that when the tail of the lizards dropped, you must quickly cover your ear, if not you'll go deaf if it falls into your eardrum. I wonder if its true but I always cover my ear when I see a lizard, thats really stupid I guess.

BNCO is coming, and we arn't prepared goshhxzcx. Any trainings or cca? That'll really do the year 2s good. Very good indeed. My bones have gone all harden and I guess I can't even do the basic drills, and all my basic first aid, CPR, I don't think I know how to do. Got to go and refresh my memories. If the seniors see this, pleaseplease trainings badly needed now. :D Its 5.30 now my show's starting soon. Shall stop here, will update more.

HOLIDAYS

2008-10-30T14:34:00.012+08:00

Y A rainbow is a nature's smile upside down.

Well, well. Went out with dearest to return books and borrow books (if not i'm really going to rot). Slap her please for taking away all the nice nice novels ha. Borrowed four books in the end. The one i'm reading now is real nice. A Hollywood Ending by Robyn Sisman. Its really a rollicking romantic comedy (: I saw hazyrah there, haha:D Books, the only thing that kept me engrossed. Boo, I'm so hungry now(!)

Oh yeah, Cherylyuen suggested Christmas party for our class at sentosa. Ha, I want the Christmas party and more gatherings please. I miss all of you damn much(: How I wish I'm in school now, nevermind all those boring and feel-like-sleeping lessons, I just miss the times man, nevermind the rush to get the key and open the door. Thinking of it, I regretted trying to give up my position as a OM but luckily I didn't, if not I would really regretted it and hated myself. Woots~ what rubbish, haha. Currently doodling on the paper at home now, I wonder what am I drawing too(?) This is the result and one of the syntoms of an alive human rotting at home. Gosh, this is too insanezxcv :/

I miss the whole lot of you.
Afrina AmandaA. AmandaF. Candy Jiayu Lijun Desylia Sheryl Glenda Chindin Chinyi Janice Jasmine Sokkuan Wanqin Xingyoong Jiaxin Sihui Anji MOE NicoleT. Malihah Vivian Prasana Joanne CherylT. Cherylene Szemin CherylY. Ebenezer Mathias Edmund Egan Jiancheng Amir Thengwei Ivan Guanshin Weishen

And not forgetting the teachers:D
they're a part of 2A too(:

This isn't the year that we're graduating but this streaming thing brought about a lot of unhappiness. But dearest friends, we'll get through this, I promise. 2A is so amazing that I don't know how to deal without some of them next year, people like prasana and nicole they bring about laughter to the class and liven up the spirits of people with their not so funny but funny topics. Sometimes, I don't even know when to laugh. I'm already contented when God gave me such a great class this year which was more than what I expected.

God completed my live, He'll fill up the missing pieces in your life too.

2008-10-29T12:26:00.005+08:00

Less said the better.

The bill unpaid, the dead letter,

no roses at the end

of smith, my friend.

Shop til' I dropped on Monday with dearest and lg:DBought 2 shirts, one striped and one with the words. Yoshinoya for lunch at Bugis, ha. I want go shopping again next week(: I'm fun for size. I want to buy the hoodies next time round. Will plea my mum to buy for me. My legs almost went flat because wq dearest "walk too fast" ._. Damn her for stepping my leg, haa.

Amk hub yesterday with the two and sokkuan the cute girl(: Thankyouu cute girl for buying the notebook, loveit la. High School Musical 3 with them. Ha, the show was quite okay but the popcorn and stuff were ALOT. Woots~ Can't finish them so we threw them away. I want to catch the coffin soon with my friends. Bought Nicole's present yesterday too. Then headed home with lg by cab. She's sick, hope she'll get well soon eh.

p.s I love my friends:D

2008-10-25T13:48:00.004+08:00

Its not the same with you guys.

Well, results are back on thursday, and i got into 3A:x I will miss the rest of 2A, and i'm missing them already D: Can the time just turn back and let us be forever staying in 2A, goshxzcv. Mrgan updated the class blog and the post is so darn cute and touching la. I'll always remember the tale of the two peas. It has been a really great year for me with the loveliest class. All the smallest thing won't be ever forgotten.

1.Mrgan's counselling and advice will be remembered.
2.Ms Latha's maths tutor will be missed.
3.Mr Chia teaching method will be cherished.
4.Mr Peh's jokes and sarcastic remarks will be kept.
and many more.

Results; how i wish there wasn't this thing.
English: 64{B4}
Mother tongue: 66{B3}
Maths: 70{A2}
Science: 82{A1}
Geography: 72{82}
History: 60{B4}
Literature: 69{B3}
D&T: 83{A1}
Home Econs: 68{B3}
Visual Arts: 86{A1}

Lastly, the memories in 2A will not be thrown away.
Its the best class ever:D

2008-10-24T20:11:00.003+08:00

The loveliest class afterall, 2A:D

Had truck loads of fun yesterday with 2A yesterday at changi chalet. Reach there at about 6 with dearest and lg, took taxi and Mrgan was there waiting. Hah, he help us take our things thanks~ Went cheers to buy some things cos' mrgan forgot to bring the things from school. BBQ started late because everything was delayed cos' of late dismissal at school. So, didn't help to start the fire haha, oops. Walk around watch teevee & went to check out our rooms.

Ms Song and Ms Chan came later. Me wanqin and jiaxon went to cheers and buy butter after that we went to eat as we were too hungry although we supposedly should go back after we bought the things but hehs. The people staying around was like looking when we walked cos' we on the music too loudly(?) Hahs, we're scared of the dark. Accompanied Glenda home later around 11 plus. Had a scary night walk after that, the guys scared us and the pathetic girls got scared to death hahs. And there's one person who hid underneath the bed.__.

Slept for half an hour on the bed at 3am and was woken byt the guys who said that have FIREDRILL(?) Whatthehell, just got to sleep and they woke me up, the rest went for footdrill, its so funnaye can doing drills in the middle of the night. Was awake alrd so walk here walk there, ate chips and watch teevee in the small living room with the rest. Egan's so cute when he's asleep and the retarded xiaoming also. Woke Mr gan up at 5.30, ha first time i saw a teacher sleep, oops no offence la.

Did breakfast for mrgan tgt with dearest and sat on the stairs outside the toilet hha. Fell asleep after that. Went to find lg and slept tgt with chindin, thanks amanda for letting us sleep on the bed. But no peace after that, 5 minutes later they knock on the door until it almost fell. Ha, i'm exaggerating(: Went back home again in taxi with my two lovelies to SLEEP hah. Was very damn tired.

2A is the best class ever:D
♥

2008-10-22T18:04:00.002+08:00

Its like the odd one out.

Chalet's tmrw(:
(edited)

I'm like forcing myself to face the computer right now. No one's at home and it's like f bored canns. Today went on real smooth, skills for success was kind of bored, cannot tahan alrd, but luckily its like the last session of the course, so I endured a bit. Got a lil' fustrated but still act as though nothing happen. Act retarded, yea but I'm still young in the heart although I admit (I'm old).Kitkat): I want my kitkat back~ Somehow regretted it giving to her, hope she didn't saw this. But still, iloveher, so I gave it to her haha. Ms Song invited us the her wedding but still considering whether to go anot cos' it clashes with the BNCO.

Lunched at Longjohnsilver with dearest and lovergirl. Bestfriend went library): And I guess this will be the one of the last last time we get together as one because of the the damn streaming. Can't life be good. So, so bought chocolates for my lovelies and potatochips for tmrw chalet stayover, I'll be not sleeping I guess, cherishing every moment with 2A. Well, although that sounds a lil' impossible for sucha pig like me but still, yea.Tomorrow's the big day, streaming results are like out.

Fish,
superduper angry la. The bunch of cowards nameless and //// are damn real cowards please. How would they know that she actually f with people unless they saw her. And I don't believe that Vivien would do such a thing. So stop spamming her with the nonsense.

2008-10-20T15:58:00.003+08:00

Sisters for life:D

jiaxin, jasreel, zhihui, cien, yvonne, sokkuan, wanqin.

I miss you.
I miss her.
I miss him.
I miss them.
I miss us.
I miss those days.

This aren't enough to describe how much I miss my friends. My buddies from 2A are really great(: Can't believe that we're separating alrd. Still hope that we can keep in contact yea?:D Those great days spent with y'all won't be forgotten and the great teachers are really superb, they make me love the subject, they make us love their lessons, they make us feel like they're the greatest. I can't thank all of them, counting and counting, my fingers can't make up the number. There are really a whole bunch of them.

Thank you for your guidance,
thank you for your listening ear,
thank you for your patience,
and thank you for your advice.

God bless the ones I loved.

2008-10-18T15:10:00.005+08:00

Happy belated birthday LAISOKUAN♥!

Satisfied am I not?
Luck hasn't been changing, it has not altered any bit. I've killed my brain cells and neglected my rest time just to make up my mind on the option form, which many of you may think is a dumb thing to do. But what do you expect from a dumb ass like me, haha. My results were totally stupid especially the languages, I can't seem to change my mother tongue marks, just a little more marks will make me happier:/

No school on Monday and Tuesday, class chalet on thursday to friday, yay!:D and a little sad too. Its a blink of an eye and its now the end of the year although its not the end of the world but its still sad. Its kind of weird having chalet after getting the streaming results, but who cares anyway. Hahs. I'm gonna miss 2A damn lots for goodness sake. Post examination programmes were boring but we still get to "interact" with our dearest friends during free time. Kind of boring but i still enjoy the 'free of stress' feeling, its nice though. No homework, nothing, just sit there but sometimes your butt hurts, lol._.

Will update more when I go home, off to meet up with dearest and friends to sk's bbq:D

May god bless my friends from 2A♥

2008-10-12T16:23:00.003+08:00

Knitting under the influence.

Those novels kept my day alive. Even if they weren't really interesting, I just kept on reading. Came across this sentence that really struck me up, would there truely be any comfort in revenge? Well, the day to the checking of examination scripts are just like 3 more days and damned I'll need tissues on that day, I SWEAR. I don't think I 've done well this time round although I've put in effort which i don't think is enough.

If life was so real and honest like the novel I read which ~~might be true~~ will not come true for god's sake cann. I'm being so irrealistic, goshzxcv:x Am I angry with her, should I be? Its morally not right for me to be angry with someone la. I'm speaking "from my heart" alrights. I'm so being sacarstic here and its so not me, I'm supposed to be retarded, supposedly.

I'm getting hungry, like so fast. I smell chickenn rice:D
NOOO! I don't want to be fat.

I wish that tomorrow will not come so I will not have to go for the course and worse still not being able to wear class tee. Feel so like slapping the instructor. Am I too much? D: If they don't mention about that thing tmrw, I shall not mention either. I don't want to hurt them. Thinking of ways not to make them think about it is real difficult.

Never ever thought that I could even pass this time round and was thinking that I still need to ~~memorize next year~~ but now I don't need to. Another of the rocks in my heart have been settled(?) But after the next few months come another, for this one I've no guarantee that I'll pass. Just have to let nature takes its course, if I pass I'll be happy{I'm easily contented by small acheivements} but if i fail, I will not take it again, because force does not bring about happiness.
Give me some more time, and I'll defintely give you an answer. If you think that you can't wait, then I will not keep you either. I've once told you before I don't want to think about all these things now. Concetrating on my studies is my top piority. I don't want you to waste time. I don't want.

Free me.